The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Leah & Dr. Willow: Exhausted & Sexless? How Sleep Deprivation Is Stealing Your Libido | #175

• Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown • Season 4 • Episode 175

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Let's be real: You've probably tried every "natural aphrodisiac" on the market, but have you considered the one that's literally free and scientifically proven? Sleep. Studies show women who get quality sleep are 14% more likely to want sex, while guys getting less than 5 hours a night see their testosterone drop by 15%. That's your body screaming for rest so it can actually want to get busy. Imagine waking up naturally energized, horny, and genuinely excited about connecting with your partner. Picture having the mental clarity to communicate your desires and the physical vitality to act on them. This isn't fantasy—it's the reality for people who understand how sleep affects sex drive naturally.

KEY TAKEAWAYS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE:

  • Women's testosterone peaks between 2-3 PM—perfect timing for afternoon intimacy when you're well-rested
  • Men who get quality sleep experience stronger morning erections and higher overall testosterone
  • Natural alternatives to sleep aids can restore your body's ability to produce crucial amino acids that pharmaceuticals block
  • Couples sleep schedules don't have to destroy intimacy when you know the right strategies
  • Sleep supplements for better libido work best when you understand which herbs target which sleep issues

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND HERE.

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Willow:

There are so many aphrodisiacs on the market, but one that we really don't think about is sleep. Could you imagine that sleep is like an amazing ultimate aphrodisiac? And science has actually proved this. Studies have shown that women who sleep more are 14% more likely to wanna have sex with their partners. While men who are, getting less than five hours of sleep per night, have a 15% decrease in testosterone, their main driving sex hormone. And so that just means that sleep is your body's time to restore your hormones, reduce stress and reignite desire. I'm Dr. Willow Brown and I'm here with Leah Piper. We are the Sex Reimagined podcast and we're exploring better Sleep for better libido.

Leah:

Yes. So tune in, turn on, and fall in love with feeling sexier when you have deeper sleep.

Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame-free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Willow:

So I, for one, am a huge fan of sleep. I feel like so much better when I get a good night's sleep and I, I always have a bit of a struggle the next day if I didn't have a good night's sleep. And I'm so deeply grateful that I am a good sleeper, but I help so many people who struggle with sleep and I just feel like it is something that can be easily remedied. There are so many herbs and practices and things that can really support getting better sleep. What about you? Are you a good sleeper

Leah:

I'm, um, I ebb and flow with good sleep. I've been struggling a little bit, I think because of perimenopause. Some, our hormones aren't, we haven't dialed the perfect. Hormone replacement therapies we're, we're in the process of that right now, playing with some dosages, but it's probably gonna take me all year to get the right formula of testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. Um, but I'm well on my way. I have been trying some new things that are helping. I can fall asleep, fine. It's staying asleep, that can be a little bit problematic. Um, and I had about eight years in my younger adult life where I was, um, taking a sleep aid every single night.

Willow:

Oh,

Leah:

I have to say.

Willow:

Like a pharmaceutical sleep aid, not like a

Leah:

I had, I, I did three things. I had a, a natural sleep aid, a pharmaceutical sleep aid, and then this other sort of other sleep aid that's a little controversial. I don't know that I'll talk at great length about it, but I would switch all three. So I didn't have a dependency, but then I switched doctors after about eight years and I, and I left a relationship and um, I was getting my prescriptions filled with this new doctor and she basically said, yeah, I'm not doing this. Um, we'll put you in a sleep study. I'll give you one more prescription. And I was like, you can't do that. I have to sleep, you know? Time zones. You know, I had all these excuses why she was gonna fuck up my life. She goes, we will put you in a sleep study. We're gonna get you sleep, but you need natural sleep. And then I had some friends who were doctors and one of them said, who was a, a brain surgeon here locally in Sacramento. And he said, there is a particular amino acid that only gets released when you have deep. Natural sleep, no sleep aid, pharmaceutical, natural or otherwise can give you that amino acid. And when you go years without that amino acid, that could lead to, um alzheimer's or some of these other, uh, terrible aging, um, diseases. So that freaked me out. And I have to say that doctor really did me a huge favor by saying I'm not gonna refill any of these,

Willow:

So you did a whole sleep study?

Leah:

I just had to muscle through a month of discomfort, and then I started to sleep like a babe. And I have slept so much better for the last 15 years because she did me that solid. And, um and there's nothing beats natural sleep. Everything is better including your orgasms. I'm a firm believer that if you want better sex, you need better sleep.

Willow:

Yeah, I was gonna ask you, like, after doing that sleep study, how did your like D drive and desire, I mean, you were in your younger years, so you already had like probably plenty of drive and desire about what shifted for you there.

Leah:

Well, a, I got off antidepressants and, and started using natural supplements to help with dysregulation with depression. So high doses is high dosage of five HTP. Instead of an SRI made a huge difference in my, um, in my sexual drive, even though I was younger. And getting natural sleep gave me more energy corrected, my moods made me, um, I, it was eating better. My stress levels were down. I was

Willow:

Like your food cravings were different.

Leah:

Yeah. Yep. Food cravings shifted. I wasn't, uh, driving towards caffeine and sugar so much because I was well rested. I wasn't needing that, you know, jolt of energy to get through my day. And, my skin looked better. I mean, like, I think I became more attractive, more desirable because I looked better.'cause I had, you know, I was well rested. Um, so everything I think gets improved with decent sleep and, uh, it's scary when you're not sleeping well. I really get the anxiety that happens and why people will reach for sleep aids. I totally understand the fear that gets generated when you can't get through the night. It sucks.

Willow:

starts to become this like downward spiral of like, you go, you get in bed and already you're anxious that you're not gonna be able to fall asleep. And then, you know, the next day is gonna be, you know, terrible and you're just kind of get yourself into this. Panic before you even have the chance to fall asleep naturally. You know, I've had the same experience with like, um, food stuff. You know, it's like I'll sit down to a meal and I'm like, before I even take my first bite, I'm like, oh God, I have anxiety about eating this food.'cause I know it's gonna hurt my stomach, you know? So I get it, but from a different perspective. You know, when we really live in this society that, really glorifies like, being busy. Oh, you're busy. Oh good. Oh, you, you know, you're, you always got something going on. Oh, that's good. It's like the hustle culture is really glorified and you probably all have heard, I know, I've said it. I'll sleep when I'm dead. You know, and it's like, well, definitely you'll be dead when you're dead. It's different than sleep, you know? So. So, um, I think that there's not as much value I feel like in, especially in the American culture around rest, napping, sleeping, you know, Europe has their whole siesta tradition that, you know, they've really got it right with that. Like having short little rests and, and even grabbing a couple nods in the middle of the day actually

Leah:

took two yesterday.

Willow:

ah, it's so delightful.

Leah:

nap. It was felt so good and luxurious and you really wanna be careful with those though You don't. The honey spot is between 20 to 35, 40 minutes is like your stretch. You don't wanna take an hour long nap. You

Willow:

right. I, I always call them, um, shamanic power naps, where I lay down and I put my hands on my heart and my belly and I say, okay, what's my intention? And it's, you know, often like, I just wanna catch a few, just enough nods, just enough wings. To wake up and to feel super energized and and motivated for the rest of the day. And these little, you know, power naps, they actually boost your cognition, they boost your mood, they boost your heart health, your creativity, and they just reduce stress overall. So, you know, I feel like there's, um, there's, we need to give ourselves permission to have these more often.

Leah:

Yeah, they really are restorative. If you end up sleeping longer than 45 minutes, it actually, you get a decrease in energy versus an increase in energy. They become less restorative. and so you really kind of wanna keep, wanna keep them on the short side and then you do, it's like having a cup of coffee. You feel refreshed, you feel, yeah, you just feel a lot better. Yeah, I know some people can't quite settle their system to fall into a nap, so then what I would recommend is falling into a meditation. Getting yourself a chance to do some belly breaths, expand your diaphragm. When you expand your diaphragm through breath control, you're gonna drop your cortisol levels. That diaphragmic breathing helps calm your adrenals so that you can have sort of a rest and digest moment where you can kind of just unplug from the hustle. The other thing is that you'll perform better at work. If you do this instead of maybe a caffeine jolt and you end up doing just like a short meditation with some diaphra diaphragmic breathing to drop your cortisol levels, your mental focus increases exponentially. In fact, they've done a lot of studies that show, um, I think it's you work for 35, 40 minutes, take a five minute break. So you, you are hyper-focused for 35 to 45 minutes with a five minute break your performance, your focus, your attention span is 10 times stronger. And I used to do this, uh, with my positive psychology group. We would do these jam sessions where everyone would come on zoom for like three hours. And when we do these 35, 40 minute spots where everyone's doing a project, it's like parallel playing. And then we'd have a dance break for five minutes. Then we'd go back to our project and we would especially do this for projects we were resisting. So for some people it'd be cleaning their house. For someone else it'd be dealing, uh, with a project they'd been meaning to do. Other people would be like building a website, like whatever it was that they were resisting. We would come and do these jam sessions. Now, how does this relate to sex you might be asking is like when you are performing better, whether that's in the workplace or in the bedroom, you feel better, you're in a better mood because you're creating state changes

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

that allow you to relax, that bring about oxytocin and dopamine so you have a sense of wellbeing. It's very hard for a woman to have an orgasm if she's stressed out, if her cortisol levels are high or she's tired, like sex is the last thing on her mind, she can't, it just can't even relax enough to have an orgasm. Even if she does the performative task of having sex, just'cause she's trying to be a good wife or'cause her partner wants to, it doesn't mean it's gonna be satisfying for her.

Willow:

Yeah, it's so true. I mean, when we're not getting good rest, not just sleep. I know there's also studies on when you take, you know, regular naps, it actually makes your nighttime sleep better. When you get

Leah:

Is that right?

Willow:

like 20 minute, you know, there's a book on that. I can't remember the name of it right now, but when you're not getting that deep rest, it actually Steals from your ability to experience dopamine, which is that, you know, pleasure hormone. Yeah. So it's, that's definitely going to reduce your sexual desire and your sex drive. So that's another reason that it's just so, so important for us to not only get good deep sleep at night, good deep natural sleep, but also to be, have moments of rest throughout the day. And so I love that, um, that time blocking that you're talking about, you know, where it's like 35 minutes straight focus and then take a five or even 10 minute break and do your little dance routine, or do some, you know, coherent

Leah:

up

Willow:

move around.

Leah:

go to the bathroom, make a cup of tea, do some stretching, turn up some fun music. Get in your body and out of your head is the best thing you can do for your head.

Willow:

yeah, yeah. Course

Leah:

the discipline of like actually getting up and taking a break. I, I mean, who doesn't struggle with that? When you're on the computer, you just kind of try to

Willow:

going. You power through. Yeah.

Leah:

it off the list. We're all

Willow:

Well, I like to think of it as like radical self-care, you know, because there's self-care. Like I'm gonna go to yoga every Tuesday and Thursday morning, or I'm gonna get a massage once a month. That's great. But then there's radical self-care, which is like a. I am going to get up and go to the bathroom. As soon as my bladder tells me it's time to get up. I'm not gonna ignore my bladder for 40 minutes to try to power through something on the computer. I'm actually going to take care of myself in a radical way. And so I feel like I wanna try that actually.'Cause I have got so many projects right now on the computer, and so I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna set a timer. It seems like if you just set a timer for 35 minutes. Then you're on, and then you set a timer for five minutes and then you're moving around dancing, breathing, playing, right?

Leah:

Yeah, the fear is that you're gonna lose your train of thought. You're gonna lose a thread. And so you may, I suggest like writing the thread down before you get up for your break

Willow:

Yeah. There

Leah:

that you can

Willow:

Like put a little bookmark in it.

Leah:

of like going, oh my God, I'll forget where I was at.'cause we get, like, in these, I, I don't even think it's a flow state. I think maybe sometimes it is where. You're just on a project and you're going, going, going. Um, and then next thing you know, it's been two and a half hours. and I know for me, I'm usually working like on four projects at a time. I'm jumping from answering an email to finishing a landing page to uh, come, you know, responding to a, a client lead and I'm kind of switching back and forth. And so the fear is if I take a break,

Willow:

You'll lose your

Leah:

the thread on one of those. So, um, it's good to maybe just have a notebook nearby so you can. Empty your brain of whatever you're worried you're gonna lose track of if you get up and have that bathroom break, for

Willow:

Yeah. Or your dance break. I like the idea of a dance break. I'm gonna try that. That sounds really fun. Um, you know, ED really increases,'cause I know you and I both have lots of male clients who come to us with ED issues and every single time I have an interview, you know, to kinda ask. Assess what's going on for these men. I ask them about their sleep almost a hundred percent of the time it is a factor. Like they just, they're waking up at 3:00 AM which according to Chinese medicine is the time of the liver, which is also according to Chinese medicine where we hold stress. So we call in Chinese medicine, you know, liver chi stagnation. This basically stress. And if you, if you ever went to Chinese medicine school, it's like liver cheese stagnation is stated and talked about every single day and multiple times a day. And it's like this big thing. And it's very, very, I ask people all the time, they come in and they're on the table and I say, oh, how's your sleep? Oh, I don't sleep well. Oh. And I ask them, oh, do you wake up anytime between two and 3:00 AM? And they're like, yeah, how did you know that? And it's al always because, um, that's the time of the liver and it's so if there's a component of stress, which we all carry, uh, that is really going to affect, um, the sleep and it's hard to get back to sleep at that time of

Leah:

Right. That's certainly been my struggle in recent times is just falling back to sleep after I wake up is really challenging. It can take two hours. So what you're suggesting is do a liver detox and reset.

Willow:

For sure, a liver detox will definitely help. Um, acupuncture sessions are definitely gonna help. And then having, there's herbs, there's specific herbs that you can take if you're someone who like goes to bed at night and your mind is busy and you're ruminating in your thinking and you can't turn it off, and the monkey mind is just going nuts. And you can't fall asleep, so that you'll wanna reach for kava. Kava Forte bystander process is a great kava supplement. And that's gonna really kind of put you under Other things that you could reach for are like gaba that's gonna really support and, and bring your nervous system down. Um, five HTP.

Leah:

GABA boosters, uh, like Valerian. What else is a gaba GABA booster? Or you just take gaba? How does somebody

Willow:

gaba? Yeah, just gaba. So, so if you're someone who I can't fall asleep, reach for Cava, reach for gaba, reach for five HGP. If you're somebody who's waking up in the middle of the night, especially in that three o'clock hour range, then you wanna reach for Valerian. That's actually the one that will kind of put you back to sleep. So if people are really struggling with that, like, I can't, if I can't fall back asleep at night, then I'll, I'll start them out with like. Just have a couple Valerian out of the bottle next to your bed, your water's ready to go so that you can quickly just swallow them down and you'll be able to go back to sleep quickly. If that isn't enough, then I'll say take two Kava as well, and that will really kind of get them back to sleep. And then sometimes, you know, melatonin, you don't wanna be dependent on melatonin and you don't wanna be taking it all the time. But it's fantastic for those who travel a lot and are on different time zones and need to reset their circadian rhythm quickly. It's amazing for that.

Leah:

My only

Willow:

then it's also.

Leah:

is that it's a hormone,

Willow:

That's right. It is a hormone, which is why you don't wanna be on it all the time. You don't wanna be using it every night. You wanna use it just as needed. Yeah. Like only for severe moments of like reset my circadian rhythm.'cause I just traveled and I have jet lag or I just, you know, I, I have to get to sleep tonight and nothing else is working, so.

Leah:

one, one of the things I've been experimenting with is mushrooms. Um, so one is, I just got this, I put it in Matt stocking, uh, as a stocking stuff for this year. It's called Alice, and it's mushroom chocolates for deep sleep. It, um, it's uses a, a Rishi mushroom extract has chamomile in it. L um. Thorazine, does that sound familiar to you? I'm probably saying it wrong. The writing's a little hard to read zinc and magnesium and it's really kind of yummy. Um, so I'm hoping that these are aren't dependency. I don't think mushrooms are

Willow:

They don't sound, those are not, um, magic mushrooms. They are like medical grade

Leah:

Yeah. Medicinal mushrooms.

Willow:

adaptogenics, so that's good. Yeah.

Leah:

Yeah. And then, um, and then I've been kind of checking out these two. And by the way, you guys, I'm, I'm recommending these though. I, I, we don't get paid for these unfortunately. Maybe we should. These are called the micro joy. And um, one is elevate, this is for relaxation and mood support and stress relief. It's got lion's mane, o l-theanine is what I was trying to say. Easier, uh, earlier. This also has five HTP and B six. And then the other one, this is not to help sleep, it's to motivate. It's got cordyceps, maca root, and B12. Um, those bees are gonna give you some energy. Yeah. So these are more, more energy. Uh, and then, you know, so. Yeah,

Willow:

And so are you liking them? Are they working

Leah:

I am, you know, I've really just mainly just tested so far, the sleep ones and I'm liking'em for sure. I mean, I did take one last night and I did wake up at 2:00 AM which my, my doctor who's helping me with my hormones right now, my OB GYN, um, she's like, oh, welcome to the club. You know, this is like the two 30 club where a lot of women are waking up and then it takes'em hours to go back to sleep. So I'm usually, if I wake up in the middle of the night, then I'm usually up for like an hour and a half before I can fall back asleep, which is super annoying, which is why those power naps are critical,

Willow:

Yeah, very, very, yeah, you definitely wanna get those in, you know, progesterone, while we're on the topic of hormones here, progesterone is the, is the hormone that makes you feel calm, cool, and collected. It's the one that will help you get good sleep. And so if you are on hormone replacement therapy using hope. Hopefully bioidentical hormones. You do wanna be taking your progesterone right before you go to bed because it will help you kind of stay asleep through the night. So that might even be something that your doctor is looking at. Aaliyah for

Leah:

Yeah, I am taking the progesterone at night though. I'm also doing my testosterone. Which I know it would be more activating. I should do that in the morning. But I'm one of those people that can't, has a really hard time doing daytime, um,

Willow:

to your tea.

Leah:

Yeah, I could try that. I'm much, I'll be consistent if I do everything at night, but yeah, I should start switching because,

Willow:

That will

Leah:

if that's, if that's frustrating my sleep, then

Willow:

That will help a lot. Mm-hmm.

Leah:

okay, so we've talked about hormones. Uh, let's talk about, I mean, it kind of comes back to libido. Your libido is a hormonal reaction in your system, so

Willow:

and orgasms actually will also help you have better sleep. Like, you know, this is one of the reasons that men like to have sex before they go to sleep at night, because it just kind of releases all of that cortisol in the bloodstream and it puts oxytocin into the bloodstream, which is another endogenous or natural hormone that makes you feel. Connected and calm and relaxed and happy and soft, and so that's gonna really support you going to sleep. So that could be another trick if you're waking up at that 3:00 AM hour, is to just give yourself a a little quickie and see if that can help you go back to sleep as well.

Leah:

Because lack of sleep impairs the dopamine function, and uh, and it's a neurotransmitter that's so important for your reward system. And pleasure is a very important reward system. So when you're not getting sleep, you're not motivated, all that stuff gets disrupted. No, testosterone is interesting because it's very important for men's sleep. To have their testosterone restored during night because you have these nocturnal erections and you wanna make sure that you are having those nocturnal erections because it's a big indicator of heart health and it's gonna keep your testosterone strong during the day, which is really, really important. And men age starting at age 30.

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

1% of your testosterone levels starting at age 30 every single year. So by the time you're 40, your testosterone levels have have dropped by

Willow:

10%.

Leah:

By the time you're 50, it's another 10%. So it becomes critical. For men in particular to get good sleep because you need your testosterone to stay strong as you age so that you have firm erections and more volunteer erections. So I really recommend, um, Dr. Justin Elliott's as you do recommend, uh, the firm tech cock ring. And this is a really cool piece of technology that measures your nocturnal erections. How many are you having a night? Um. They have an app on your phone and you wear this cock ring at night and it'll measure all of that for you. It's a great indicator of your risk of heart disease. So, um, and plus it's a great cock ring. I think it's one of the best cock

Willow:

the best coching on the market by far

Leah:

much easier to put on than those normal circle ings. Um.

Willow:

around the base of the, the cock, and then it hooks. It's got, it's a, it's made of this incredible material, and you basically wrap it around and there's like a little hook, not a, not a sharp hook, don't worry,

Leah:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Willow:

it's just like, it's this nice. Soft material, but it like, it's just a really brilliant coching and he's got one where it reads, um, you know, what's happening biologically for your body. How many erections are you having per night? How many, um, you know, it's gonna really give you a better read on your actual heart health. It's really incredible. And then he is got another cockring that doesn't do any reading that is great for sex. Yeah.

Leah:

ring is just, uh, his cock ring, best cock ring on the market as far as I'm concerned. Um, and then the other one is their firm tech cock ring. So two different cock rings. One has the Bluetooth capabilities that's measuring your nocturnal erections. The other one is just for fun

Willow:

Yeah, I've had some, I've, yeah, and I've had some men be like, well, I don't really wanna wear Bluetooth around my genitals all night. And I can relate to that. I can totally understand that. I don't even like to wear those little earbuds that everyone wears. But I do think that it is, um, sometimes it's can be really beneficial. People are wearing the Fitbits and all the little

Leah:

You don't wear it every night,

Willow:

Body. Yeah. You don't wear it every night. It's just to get a read, you know, for a night here and there.

Leah:

do it like once a week and then drop to once a month. Just see where you're at, especially if you're overweight, you're over the age of 50, um, and you drink alcohol or you smoke you, you, those are very important if that's a part of your lifestyle, uh, is to, is to have these measurements. It could, it's like big game changer and it could honestly keep you alive.

Willow:

Absolutely.

Leah:

a heart attack.

Willow:

another thing that is happening for a lot of men, mostly sometimes women as well, is sleep apnea, where you actually stop breathing for long periods of time while you're sleeping. And, um, this is you know, there's so many ways to heal sleep apnea. Um, but definitely doing breath work is gonna be one of the more natural ways, and you're not gonna, you know, if you can, and getting, losing the weight. Peptides can help with that. I mean, there's so many things that you can do to really heal your body from, from the not getting enough oxygen while you're sleeping. You're gonna have such better cognitive function. I've, uh, worked with so many men who got on the cPAP machine, which is just that, you know, it helps them get more oxygen, it helps'em sleep better, but it's this really invasive, uh, you know, thing on your face all night. Your partner has to listen to it, you know, so there's other options for healing sleep apnea.

Leah:

Yeah. And you know, for a lot of people it is the best intervention. Um, I've been with partners with sleep apnea who've had the machine and knowing them before and after is like a totally different person.

Willow:

Game changer.

Leah:

When you're not getting enough oxygen at night, you're getting too much carbon dioxide and your, um, your peeing all night long, which is keeping you up.

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

Because your body's trying to move the carbon dioxide out of your system. Um, you have to take, uh, your brain isn't functioning so you have brain fog all the time. It is so critical that if you are struggling with sleep apnea, and trust me, I would rather listen to Darth Vader than to hear you snore like seesaws. So, do the surgeries for, the deviated septum are getting better and better and better and better. That's a great alternative. Sure. Breath work, if that will work. I don't think that'll work for everybody. and weight loss totally.

Willow:

getting and getting your, your gut mi microbiome settled and all of that is gonna be a huge part of it. But, um, that's a longer game. So yeah, you wanna immediate change then definitely the CPAP is gonna be the, the quickest and most immediate fix for that. Um, there are really amazing peptides that will help you sleep better. It's been incredible to see some of the people in my peptide world and community who have been struggling with sleep for decades and all of a sudden they are sleeping like babies. They're sleeping so good, and all the way through the night they have so much more energy and they are, you know, also kind of screaming from the mountaintops. Peptides are the wave of the future in health because it's been really incredible to see the difference with that. Um, anything else about apnea that you wanna mention or

Leah:

no, but I mean, I think it shouldn't be a surprise that sleep is related to libido, our ability to reach orgasm, our ability to have erectile function. And let's not forget women have as much erectile tissue inch for inch and ounce for ounce as men. It's not just men who need, uh, important circulation down to their genitals in order to reach pleasure. Um. It's so critical. I mean, I think I saw a study that says that women who, uh, for every additional hour of sleep, women's odds of engaging in partnered sexual activity increases by 14%. How many of you listening ladies, are like dragging ass when it comes to actually having sex? It's like you'd rather go to bed early. You'd rather have a snack. You'd rather read your book, you'd rather watch tv. That is because you don't have energy. And chances are it's'cause you're not sleeping as deep or as long as you need to to feel restorative. So the more sleep you get, the more likely you're gonna feel like sex. You're gonna feel that sense of being horny. Does anyone remember what being horny feels like? It's amazing. Nothing.

Willow:

the time.

Leah:

Makes you feel alive than feeling horny. And the truth of the matter is, is like, sure, you can take little pills or you can get all sorts of toys. You know, things that like penis pumps and vulva pumps that like force blood into your parts. But the truth is, is there are a lot more natural lifestyle things, little switches that you can do to make these things effortless.

Willow:

Yeah.

Leah:

it's like we wanna decrease that cortisol and we wanna make having sex fun and effortless. Sleep is so important. Exercise, I mean, you've heard it, we've all heard it over and over before. Get good sleep and exercise,

Willow:

You know, another thing that will really support having better sleep is, is waking up at a consistent hour and then going to bed at a consistent hour and starting to really dim the lights, like when the, when the sun goes down, look around your house and your environment. Are there. Three or four lights that you can turn off and, and do you have dimmers? Is that a possibility for you? Because that starts to tell your brain and your circadian rhythm that okay, you know, we're, we're settling down now we're, we're moving toward, and you probably have all heard this before, but it's so true, which is to, you know, get off your screens at a certain hour, like two hours at least before you go to bed. Um,

Leah:

is such an important biohack.

Willow:

Mm-hmm. So all of this is gonna really, um, give you the, the energy that you need in the morning because this is a big thing too. I have a lot of women I work with who I ask them the question, like, when you wake up in the morning, do you wake up like ready to go and, and I wake? Or is it like more of a drag and it takes an hour to kind of get up and wake up and you need caffeine and the whole nine yards? And most all of them, it's the drag, you know? And that can be related to so many things. But then I'll ask them about their sleep habits, and sure enough, they're on their devices till midnight or later, and then they're not, you

Leah:

Waking up to their devices too.

Willow:

Yeah, and they're just dragging in the morning, and so all of that makes a huge difference. I personally am not a huge fan of those blue blocker glasses. I feel like they make my eyes fuzzy. But there are all these, like I've got an app on my computer called Lux, LUX, which actually as the sun, as the time changes and the sun goes down, it changes the color on my screen

Leah:

Oh,

Willow:

Ones you can have, you know, for your phone and things like that, so that it's kind of automatic, it's just built into your devices. Yeah. So that you're not always getting that like blue light into your system.

Leah:

you know, one thing, you know, think back you guys to the last time you went camping or you were at a retreat center where they didn't have television and you weren't really on your phones much. Like notice how wonderfully tired you were when, like at nine o'clock at night and you were ready to go to bed or eight o'clock at night. And then waking up early and how you feel refreshed. There's a reason for that. You're more connected to the sun. These circadian rhythms are no joke. I totally recommend I've, uh, huberman, uh, his podcast has done a lot of stuff on this. We have a red light matt, so sometimes I'll put the red light mat on me for like 25 minutes. That helps regulate my system, so I'm feel tired. Also, notice your, your normal sleep signals, a sleep signal is a yawn. You'll get your first yawn at about seven 30 at night. You wanna follow that if you, if you allow those early yawns to go by where you're still watching TV instead of allowing yourself to start doing that sleep hygiene where you start preparing yourself for bed, whatever your routine is. Most of us, we're washing our face, we're brushing our teeth, we're starting to get cozy. We're dimming all the lights. We might read for a couple minutes and then we fall asleep. You wanna follow those natural sleep signals in order to get the best restorative sleep. That's how I actually retrained myself to sleep without sleep aids. Is I really started to pay attention to those early sleep signals and then started to prepare myself for bed at that first or second yawn, even if it felt like it was too early. It was like, okay, I'm putting on my PJs and I'm moisturizing my skin and I'm getting taking my supplements, and I'm getting my eye mask and my earplugs ready. Like all those little things that are repetitive continue to signal to your system we are shutting down now. We are getting ready to restore ourselves, and I tell you, it worked.

Willow:

It does, it totally works. Um, all those things are gonna give you not only more energy and more cognitive function, but better orgasms and better like space for intimacy in

Leah:

Well, and the psychological benefits, you're gonna reduce your anxiety. It's gonna make it easier for you to connect with your partner and experience pleasure also, when you're going to bed earlier, especially if you have a partner that you share intimate space with, like you're having a shared experience of getting ready for bed. And if you go to bed earlier, you're creating more time for there maybe to be a little more intimacy and some closeness that might lead to some good sex.

Willow:

That's

Leah:

Not to mention, but if you get up a little earlier, there's an opportunity to take advantage to. I mean, men's testosterone levels are highest in the

Willow:

in the morning, hence the morning. Would you know if they're getting good sleep at night, they're gonna be waking up, ready to go. Now, what would you say Leah To people who they just have complete, like couples who have completely opposite sleep schedules.'Cause I know there's a lot of couples out there who, like, she wants to go to bed super early. He doesn't go to bed until two in the morning sometimes, and then, you know, she's up early and he sleeps in bed longer. Like, what would you say where they're just, their lifestyles, their work schedules,

Leah:

rhythms are different. Yeah. Some people are larks, some people are owls. And so the key I think is whoever is like the owl, which would be the person that goes to bed later, tuck in the person who goes to sleep sooner, have a ritual of connection where the person who stays up tucks in the person who goes to sleep for the person who wakes up earlier. You know, like I will make Matt's coffee and put it on a timer, so, or he'll make my tea, whoever wakes up early, we do that. Whoever goes to bed later, like, um, sometimes I go to bed before Matt, I'll put the toothpaste on his toothbrush. So it's waiting for him for when he goes to bed. And what's interesting about that is it's less noisy. For when he's coming into bed

Willow:

But he doesn't have to shuffle around for the new

Leah:

Yeah, there's less shuffling. So you can do these little

Willow:

also sweet. Yeah.

Leah:

it's like, Hey, I am looking out for you. I care about you. Here's a way that like we're a part of each other's experience, even if we're not going to bed and waking up at the same time, we're nurturing each other's chosen time to wake up and go to sleep while also taking care of ourselves. So I think you can do little rituals like that which are meaningful, and then you need to have an agreed time of day that is the most opportune for the best kind of sex. For instance, a woman's testosterone levels are highest between two to three in the afternoon. So if you wanna leverage your libido, have an afternoon delight. I mean, if your work schedule can work around that, that's an awesome time for me to connect with my partner because I've already had lunch, so I'm not hungry, I'm not ready for dinner. It's like this perfect thing where I don't have my desire for food as a distraction.

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

Plus my sex drive is the highest because my testo, my testosterone is the highest. And you know, when you're getting enough sleep, you're less irritable. Which makes it more fun to have

Willow:

Easier and easier to communicate, and I was like.

Leah:

piss.

Willow:

Yeah, for sure. All right, everyone, well tell us, um, what you learned in this episode, which you loved about it. Leave a comment wherever you are listening or tuning in from, and let us know. Also, you know, what you are gonna do. What's one thing that you're gonna do to improve your sleep in the coming days, the weeks and months?

Leah:

Love, love, love.

Speaker:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and positive psychology facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine doctor and Taoist Taxology teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget your comments, like subscribes and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

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Dr. Willow Brown

Host
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Leah Piper

Host