The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Sheridan Ruth: Feeling Triggered in Relationships? The Parasympathetic Shift That Heals Attachment Wounds | #139

• Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown • Season 3 • Episode 139

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Hey beautiful souls! This week on Sex Reimagined, we're diving deep into something that impacts EVERYTHING in your life – your nervous system. Our guest, author Sheridan Ruth shares her incredible journey from trauma to transformation using somatic healing techniques that you can start using TODAY. After losing all her hair at age 7 and later surviving an abusive relationship, Sheridan rebuilt her life by tuning into her body's wisdom. She now helps others regulate their nervous systems for better relationships, business success, and genuine, authentic pleasure.

✨ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • Nervous System 101: The difference between feeling safe (parasympathetic) and stressed (sympathetic) states and how to shift between them
  • Relationship Game-Changers: How to create safety within yourself instead of controlling your partner (spoiler: it works WAY better!)
  • Body-Based Healing: Quick techniques to calm anxiety anytime, anywhere (including the soothing "Havening" touch technique)
  • Pleasure in Productivity: How to enjoy tasks you normally dread by changing your body's response


EPISODE LINKS *some links below may also be affiliate links 


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Leah:

Hey friends. It is the Sex Reimagined podcast. I am Leah Piper, your Tantra expert.

Willow:

And I am Dr. Willow Brown, your Daoist expert, and we wanna thank you for all the likes, shares, and subscribes that are happening because it's so wonderful to get this information out to a greater population. Today, we had a really, really special interview with Sheridan Ruth. Who is a phenomenal coach helping people to regulate their nervous system from losing all of her hair when she was seven years old, and going through so many sort of dark nights of the soul, having her ex commit suicide a couple weeks after she, uh, left him, you know, she rebuilt her life. She rebuilt her business, all using somatic healing and nervous. System regulation. She's got an amazing podcast. You can learn all about her book, her podcast, where to find her, and how to regulate your nervous system so that you're in a more receptive state no matter what you're doing in your business.

Leah:

So you guys, you're gonna wanna tune in. You're definitely gonna get turned on, and we know you're gonna fall in love with Sheridan Ruth.

Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame-free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah:

Sheridan Ruth. Yes. Welcome to the podcast.

Willow:

Yeah. So excited to have you here. I have listened to some of your podcasts and they're so soothing and so nourishing to the nervous system, which is really what you are all about, is helping people find their way into a, a more receptive state, like parasympathetic state, I think. Tell us more. Tell us more about your journey, why you're doing this work, how you got started.

Sheridan:

I mean, I think that you've summarized it really well. I, I want more people to be in the parasympathetics. I mean, we could go into a thousand different things. Uh,

Leah:

Well first, why don't you, for people who don't know what you're saying, when both of you say parasympathetic state, what

Willow:

We will start there.

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

Sheridan, take it away. I.

Sheridan:

The nervous system is kind of, I think of it as like a highway of communication. Between your brain and your body, and it takes a lot of information from your senses and your perception and your body's understanding of the world, which happens automatically. You don't have to think about it. It's happening a lot more than you realize. Takes all that information and it sends it up to the brain, and the brain also sends information back down to the body. The nervous system does that. It has different branches. It has all of the sides behind it. But what we care about is that when our body, not our brain, but our body believes that we are safe and that we can be present, and that we can, we are with safe people and we can connect to people and we can be ourselves. It puts us in parasympathetic state, which means that our energy is available in our body to rest. To digest our emotions or our food, uh, to connect with other people. It's when it's in what we call the sympathetic state, it thinks that we're running from a bear. So our energy goes to our thinking mechanisms. It makes our mind really active. It goes to our limbs so that we can run away, or it gives us an urge to, uh, fight something or kind of collapse. I was speaking with a client yesterday and we're talking about, it's that feeling of I need to preserve energy or I, I need to sleep. I just get to sleep.

Leah:

Hmm.

Sheridan:

Can't do anything. So what we're speaking about is my work, and I think in kind of piggybacking a lot of the, your guys' work is about bringing people back to that state. We are in the parasympathetic state we can relax, we can experience pleasure, we can experience fulfilling and deep relationships because we don't have to protect ourselves. We can be open and vulnerable. Uh, we can, we can get our work out in the world. That's, I usually help people who are really value space, really purpose driven and really care about making the world a better place. And so it's that feeling of I can do my work, I can enjoy it. I might have to work hard, it's not hustle hard, but I will do hard things I can be really proud of the things that I've done and we can all treat each other really well while we do it.

Willow:

Mm. I love that. I always also like to think about the parasympathetic state as like, you know, the vagus nerve is open and that vagus nerve, um, runs right along the, the yin meridian, and yin is all about out receptivity. So, you know, I always think of like Yin's greatest superpower or the Feminines greatest superpower is to receive. And so what you're speaking to Sheridan is really like, you know, if somebody has some mission in life and they're getting more of an opportunity when they're in that parasympathetic state to receive the mission through them and transmit it through them out into the world rather than grinding to make something happen and stressing and feeling tight and constricted in their more, um, sympathetic, you know, nervous system.

Sheridan:

I really liked the way you said that it's receiving the mission through them and it's also receiving support from others that I like to think about. If you just have the mission, you tell people that that's what you're doing'cause you have the confidence to do so. People around you will be very excited to help you in whatever way that they can. And there's like receptivity and you get like bolstered and you become magnetic. And also it is just easier'cause you have help.

Willow:

Yeah, exactly. Receiving support. Y'all gotta receive the support that's all around you. You know, I taught yoga for years and for years I would be like, grab the block that's right next to your foot and use it for support. It's like bringing the earth up to meet your body. Why do you have support right next to you that you're not using? And we all do it in so many ways in, so many different, you know, variations of life, even in the breath, you know, it's like the breath is there to support us and it's this incredible tool that so many people forget to use throughout the day. So I'm curious how you got into this, how you got started, what's been your training? Let's, let's hear your journey.

Sheridan:

Yoga is the thing that opened my eyes. Yeah, I, I, I started in like the community development nonprofit space. I founded a nonprofit, it burnt me out, I went to finance and I discovered toxic workplaces. Um, at the same time, so I was in a really difficult place. Long story short, when I was a seven years old, I lost my hair. I have an incurable autoimmune disease. I have no hair, and it put me in a really dark place where I had very low self-esteem. Because of that and a myriad of different reasons, I ended up in a, an abusive relationship, financially, sexually, emotionally, physically, it a very, very dark place. And one day I found yoga. Yoga started slowly giving me that sense of support and confidence in myself. And that is actually what helped me leave that relationship. Unfortunately, it, it was sad, but it's also okay now, so like nobody, it's okay. Um, he died through suicide just a couple of weeks after I left.

Leah:

Wow.

Sheridan:

there was, yeah, it was really heavy at the time

Leah:

I bet.

Sheridan:

I didn't have support around me. I had people who took advantage of me and the aftermath of that, I was in a foreign country all by myself. We lived, uh, in South America. And even though I was very confident in the culture, it was just really, really bad for me. And there was a lot of things that I saw, different sides of different people that you really don't need to see in life

Willow:

Hmm.

Sheridan:

and. I'm a whole of a person. I'm completely traumatized. I'm very much by myself, and I've lost everything. Everything.

Willow:

Hmm.

Sheridan:

Whole fundamental way of seeing the world is just I, I thought people were really good and that I'm confronted with this tragedy I'm trying to work and solve a mortgage,

Willow:

Hmm.

Sheridan:

And so I found yoga and I started teaching yoga and then. We had to take everything online. And I think that's when every in Covid, I think that's when kind of it became too much. But at the same time you, I knew that I had to do it, not because I was financially stuck, but there was that, you know, that feeling you have inside where you are like, I have to do this.

Willow:

Yeah.

Sheridan:

course I thought I was financially stuck because I was in a sympathetic nervous system. I was freaking out. I had money, but I was like

Willow:

Right.

Sheridan:

that I wouldn't have money and.

Willow:

throw you into a sympathetic dominant

Sheridan:

Yeah. Mm-hmm. So I tried building the business online. I was doing it all. Nothing was working, I had already dived a lot into somatic trauma therapy and the therapeutic and the trauma, like the healing aspects of yoga. And so I'd kind of been using that to support myself personally, and then I was like, oh, I could just use this for business. I could just use all these tools just for business. And so I just did that. And then I built this great coaching business with hair loss coaching, confidence coaching, anxiety coaching and relationship coaching. And people were like, did you do that? And I was like, oh, I did it like this, this is what I can teach you. And I took on like mentees and then it. It just blossomed. Maybe this is like the yin, very like receptive state. It just blossomed and we created a body-based business methodology. There's a, a book now, uh, I just started doing it and I started getting paid for it and paid comfortably and very well, and so it's been really great. Yeah.

Leah:

Fantastic. That's, that's that. I mean, talk about, uh, hitting a super, super low point and rising from the ashes and beginning to flourish and have that be a part of your purpose. It's so interesting when we go through something extremely painful, but that leads us to some of our greatest gifts.

Willow:

And this is all very recently. Just within the last five years or so. Yeah. Okay.

Sheridan:

Yeah. Yeah.

Leah:

Where, where do you live now? Are you still in South America?

Sheridan:

No, I moved to Melbourne in Australia. I moved

Leah:

Okay.

Sheridan:

home to Australia, which is fun.

Willow:

does that feel? Does it feel good?

Sheridan:

It was a really big shock if I'm really honest. It feels really great. I'm really happy. I feel super supported and it was like just a really big shock to my system. And so it is just now that I'm kind of beginning to

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

guys ever had that where something you're like, I know this is really the best thing for me and it's a lot for my body to adjust to.

Willow:

I'm in the same boat as you. Yeah. I just moved back to

Sheridan:

Oh,

Willow:

zone as well. I mean, I've been in California all along, but, um, you know, just moved closer to the, to the origin, to the home zone.

Leah:

Well, more importantly, having to leave a place you spent 20 years in cultivating a business 26 years and good friends and all those things and realizing, wow, I think I am breaking up with this city. I got to go have a new, find a new love affair.

Willow:

for a while. I was like, I think I need to break up with Santa Cruz and I, you know, and people would be like, mm-hmm. Heard that before, you know, not from me, but from others. And it was, Santa Cruz is one of those places where there's actually a curse put on it. Um, and native and like, because the, the, you know, white men came and basically built over the burial grounds of Native Americans. So there is a curse on Santa Cruz that like if you fall in love with that place and the land and the community, there's always gonna be like a, oh, maybe I should go back, or, you know. So people do try to leave like historically, and then they always end up going back. So this

Leah:

I felt like I was there for too long, but I, it hasn't pulled me back.

Willow:

No. Yeah, it, it won't pull you back. I don't think it'll pull me back either. I think just'cause of the way that I've left sort of more gradually. But for you, south America to Australia, that is not gradual. That is like a big, kind of a shocking shift. I mean, it's always a big shift in a shock when you move to somewhere new. But

Leah:

That's true.

Willow:

when you move

Sheridan:

It is. Yeah. And cultures. And I spent 12 years in Columbia in Medellin. And it's so interesting because it's one of those places, like every single person is like, I'm just gonna be here for a few weeks. You're like, yeah,

Leah:

It sucks you in.

Willow:

sucks you in. There's

Sheridan:

I wonder if there's a, lots of curses on, lots of lands in that area. I wouldn't be surprised.'Cause very much the same thing. They came and they got rid of everything. Like there's no indigenous, um, history. Like they just, was, it's, it's awful.

Willow:

Totally

Sheridan:

curious.

Leah:

Yeah. So tell us a little bit about your work as a relationship coach and how you're using your somatic methods and working with the nervous system to help people show up differently in partnership with others.

Sheridan:

You guys wanna talk about attachment theory?

Leah:

Sure,

Sheridan:

the end of, yeah.

Leah:

Let's dive into attachment theory. We love attachment theory.

Sheridan:

We do a lot of somatic attachment, so attachment theory, the way that I think of it and what I've. really helpful to speak with clients about is that where we have all of these different parts of ourselves, some parts of ourselves feel really anxious in relationships and are really kind of like looking for reassurance and, and that closeness a lot of the time, other parts of ourselves feel like we don't wanna get too close and move away. And you can feel that in your body and

Leah:

And then you can see it in your actions. Sometimes you can see it before you can feel it, or your, your awareness of feeling it is so subconscious that you notice you're just like in these patterns of push and pull.

Sheridan:

I think it's like a bit, I think it's the podcast episode that you and I kind of connected on where it's actually very, it's actually a more advanced practice to be able to feel that in your body. So one of the things that I teach is when are you relating to people from an insecure and avoidant part? How would you know that in your body? When are you relating to money basically it's, does this person bring me safety? Does money bring me safety? Does my accomplishments and my anger bring me safety? Because if We're doing that, we're always going to be feeling like we're pushing and we're hustling something. There's always going to be a stress response because our safety

Willow:

is

Sheridan:

at

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

Therefore it is at risk. Therefore, I'm never actually safe.

Willow:

Right.

Sheridan:

What, what I teach people to do and what I, what I started teaching and when I was doing relationship therapy and coaching was creating embodied safety. I'm safe no matter what that person thinks of me. Even if I've been with them for 26 years. We get nervous about what the people we, we love, what they think about this new idea of ours. Or I'm safe even if they have want something different sexually, than I do. If I want something different sexually to them, I'm safe even if my bank account goes down, or even if it goes up and goes higher than what my parents have ever earned. And we, we practice that embodied safety. And then the way that we relate to people is so much more fun and real and deep.

Willow:

So

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Willow:

like actionable steps that somebody could take today if they're listening to this today and they're like, I wanna feel that safety inside of myself. You know, I wanna feel that safety around finances. I wanna feel it around partnership. Is there some kind of practice or something that they could, um, implement themselves right away

Sheridan:

I would say begin with awareness inside of how you are relating to other people and these things. And also contrast that to when you feel really safe and where you are. And notice if those things, I think first of all like identify if you have embodied safety. I asked a client this yesterday. I was like, when do you feel most safe? She said, with my ex, with my dog, and in my apartment. And so now our work is to notice the sensations that she has in her body when she's in those places, and then start cultivating them inside and looking for them inside. I.

Leah:

Tracking them. Where do you feel it? What does it feel like? Um, can you expand it? Can you get in touch with it? When you're in touch with it, can you move it and feel it even, even deeper, even more? Where else can you feel that sensation? And then I imagine you start to have them practice feeling and finding that feeling when they're outside of those places, like when they're not with their dog and they're not in their home and they're not with the ex. Um, how can you start to conjure those sensations out in life? Yeah. How long,

Sheridan:

Go

Leah:

go ahead.

Sheridan:

I'm just, I'm curious. It's a topic that's really interesting. How do you support other people? What methods have you guys found that's been really helpful to other people create that safety inside? Apart from that, I do that a lot.

Leah:

Well, I think, I think it begins with where you began, which is an awareness. It's actually putting your attention on the sensations and building a relationship to those sensations, and then working on bringing your awareness to feel those sensations more often. And so then that means how do you find touch points? So that you can bring more awareness to that sensation when you're usually unconscious, you know? So for instance, like when you wake up and you're making your favorite hot morning beverage, you know, can you settle into that feeling? Can you start to build a ritual way of creating a cornerstone that helps you come back to that, come back to that, so that your awareness increases to the sensation? I think the tricky element is then when you're triggered. What do you need? What's a transition between feeling when your energy is escalating and your arousal goes high because you are finding yourself in upset, like there is usually a transition space of being able to go from that sensation to that more peaceful sensation. And I think that's where people really, really struggle. It's how do you create that pattern interrupt so that it can become faster and faster. Um, it's like, how can you come out of pattern as quickly as possible? When you find yourself grasping for safety and you're now using habits and strategies that you had as a kid, that might have worked as a kid, but now they're no longer working, and that just takes a time. And that's been my experience. It's been my experience in my own body and it's my been my experience coaching other people. Is giving them also the forgiveness. For when you fuck it up and you can't reach it and you're starting to go through that inner critical spiral of, you know, I'm always, I'm always gonna be a fuck up. You know, then that's a whole nother pattern that has to be shifted. What's been working for you and, and Willow certainly, uh, anything that you would add to that.

Willow:

Yeah, I mean, I think that there's, um, a level of safety inside that so many of us don't ever, get a chance to experience. And so, you know, there's these different parts of ourselves piggybacking on what Leah's talking about, these patterns that we develop as we're, develop a, a of protecting ourselves before we learn language while, while others of us learn a new, a different style. Because we do, when we do have language. So we're gonna react in different ways to, depending on, um, you

Leah:

Or habits.

Willow:

we. When we experienced our first trauma or you know, when we experienced unsafety, like not feeling safe when we had that, those first experiences in our life. And so love to do, um, somato emotional release where it's, it's kind of like a parts work, you know, somewhat kind of similar to IFS system. But it's where we would find the place inside and feel into the soma. Like where, okay, I'm not feeling safe around finances. Where do I feel that in my gut? Okay. In my power center, my solar plexus. Just below that, into my gut. So what does it feel like? It feels like a tension. It feels like a holding. What does it look like? It looks like two fists gripping and like turning in on each other. You know, what is, what is the emotion that's there? Stress, worry, anxiety, you know? So we just get closer and closer and closer to the place inside that we feel the, um, unsafety and then start to unravel it from there. You know, once we've gotten really, a lot of times these places in our bodies that feel unsafe, they just need attention and acknowledgement to just start to open up and unfurl a little bit. And from there we can ask other parts of ourselves like, is there another part of you that can support you in feeling more at ease with your money? Oh yeah. Well, my brain, because if I budget better and I take care of my finances and I look at my money, then you know, then I'm gonna feel more at ease in my gut. So I think that, you know, along the same lines of what you both are talking about is having that deep sense of awareness of where it stuck in your tissues.

Sheridan:

Yeah. Can I piggy back one more thing?

Leah:

Of course.

Sheridan:

I find it really helpful to do belief work around this as

Leah:

Mm.

Sheridan:

which is essentially that what is the belief that I picked up at some point in my life, uh, that is making me feel unsafe?

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

subtle. Yesterday we were doing a workshop and this woman goes, she goes, oh, I actually really thought that like. All of my success depended on how this next work, she's presenting another workshop, my workshop goes on in March. And I was like, she's like, I'm just realizing that I, I really, I really believed that to be true. And now that she just had the awareness, my success doesn't depend, my future doesn't depend on this one thing. It depends on lots of small actions and pattern interrupts over time. In relationship. I think that's the same. Sometimes we, if we like someone or something goes wrong, parts of us can think, they can kind of look, put a lot of pressure on that one interaction and think, oh, I don't know how to repair that. I won't be able to come back from it. And we get really hypercritical to ourselves. But maybe there's a belief there that was created during childhood around relationships don't repair and recover. Conflict creates collapse or something, and we can kind of teach those other, if we continue with parts, we can teach the parts of ourselves to have a more expanded view of reality. And that more expanded view of reality is a lot more safe. Money helps a lot, but you, you, you're gonna be okay if the budget doesn't look a certain way this month or this year, or you don't have as much as you thought you would when you're 45. You know?

Leah:

Yeah, the meaning that we make, um, really ends up driving our behavior and our actions. So then when we realize that we actually have the power to shift, the meaning that we're making, um, can help us feel tremendously more hopeful and tremendously more relaxed and more forgiving, and more spacious for sure.

Willow:

So let's, uh, circle back to some of, some of the like attachment work that you work with people. Let's say someone comes to you and they're like, okay, I've been in this relationship for seven years, it started off really great. Now I'm just anxious all the time because I just can't trust that it's not gonna go away and I'm starting to act needy. And I don't know, I'm making up something up here, but, um, what, like, what's your sort of, you know, path to evolution for that person?

Sheridan:

Uh, at first I would be really curious if something changed and if, or if it was always like that. I think we would all be really curious about that.

Willow:

Yeah.

Sheridan:

And

Willow:

like when we're in relationship with one person versus another, we could have a more anxious style versus a more secure style. I.

Sheridan:

what do you mean by that?

Willow:

Like I think, you know, if, if I, let's say if I'm in a relationship in my late twenties and I'm very confident in that relationship, then I might have a more secure attachment in that relationship. And then if I'm a little later in life and I'm in something where I'm like, wow, that person's so big, maybe I have them on a pedestal a little bit. I can be in a more anxious, like needy kind of attachment way.

Sheridan:

Yeah, because in that, it's almost as if, I think there's two things happening. If the individual is doing that. One we're, we've probably experienced heartbreak, so there's probably a racing that's happening. Around wanting to make sure that we don't experience more heartbreak. So it's like maybe I get anxious because I think there's a part of me that is now fearful. So I think particularly, particularly around relationships where things change, I'm always curious, where are you coming from? Fear relationships are love. No matter what, what we're doing, what we want to experience is love. A lot of us don't actually end up experience that true quality of feeling of love with another person because we haven't found it consistently enough inside. But a lot of the, what what we're doing is am I coming from fear? And so I think at the crux of all of it is I would. Really help that client with whatever tools we use, we can use somatic parts work. We can use dance therapy. We can use art therapy. But identify two things. When I relate to people, when am I coming from fear? When am I trying to control them? When am I trying to make sure that they never leave me? When am I trying to make sure that they like me? When am I trying to make sure that I look good? When am I trying to do all of these things? Because at the end of that, whatever I'm trying to control some type of outcome, I, I hope that all relationships stay together forever. I have a massive abandon wound, abandonment wound, so I get that and also. Know, because it's coming from fear. Fear that if that person leaves, I won't be okay. What you want to relate to is love. So if we can identify what does fear look like in the body and get really close to it and love on it. I'm not trying to push away, not say it's bad, but just really love on it.

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

Really get to know it, really become actual friends with it, which sounds absurd, and get to see what strengths that fear gives us and what qualities. Maybe I'm really anxious, but I'm a great planner,

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

I don't know. Yeah. And then find love. And we have to go on a really big journey to to learn what love and pleasure and safety is in the body. And we find it in different ways. And then learn love. And then of acting in the relationship from fear, you just, before you act, next time, just find love first and then respond to the text message, then ask them a thing, and then think about what you might wanna do or what you wanna say, but get familiar with love and then kind of infuse that in the relationship and two things will happen. One, you won't feel that you have those tendencies acting out. And two, the actual relationship will transform, both of you will be so much happier, so much more happier. You have all of those other things that are making you anxious that they're doing'cause it's not just all in your head. There's also things that are happening they will most likely dissipate and the other person will start showing up in the way that you really want them to'cause now we're in a feedback of love.

Leah:

Yeah, that's a brilliant answer. I love that.

Willow:

Beautifully put. I like that a lot. Mm-hmm.

Leah:

So tell me a little bit about, um, you had a, an interesting question. Lemme just How to build confidence in your inner voice. How do you help people unblock their throat and access... it's like I, you see it so much. There's some people who just have a natural gift of being able to articulate what they're feeling, what they're thinking, what they see, what they believe. Like they can, they can let it, they let it flow out. They can communicate it pretty effortlessly to others. And then you've got other people who get that so stuck in their throat. They have such a hard time articulating. What it is that they need to say, they want to say, they crave to say, to put that out so they can experience it so they can hear it for themselves. And also share it in a way where they're like feeling like what they're experiencing is getting across to somebody else. Um, I, I imagine that you come across that quite a bit and I'm wondering how you support people freeing up their throat.

Sheridan:

Yeah, I'm, I'm curious if you, if you feel that it's throat, because I, I've noticed there are two things, and maybe you've seen them too. There's kind of the inner, I don't know, for me, it kind of sits in my belly that, that feeling of actually, oh, actually I, having the courage to identify to myself what I want

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

what I wanna say and what I need and what I desire. Then there's it kind of, you have to travel up your body and then it's okay. Well, maybe it's, I could almost say it. It's on the tip of my tongue and then we have to get it

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

do you feel this, do you, do you notice the same thing? There's two layers.

Leah:

think it could come from any chakra, you know? Uh, my husband would say that it's, there's so much up here. He's so cerebral, there's so much up here. And when the pressure's on, he so wants to get what's clear up here out his mouth, but it gets blocked somewhere. And the transmission, other people, like it depends on the topic. It could be their sexual, what they need to communicate sexually, you know, and not being able to articulate their true desires. Not being able to share, you know what their needs are. You know, so I sometimes it gets stuck in our heart because it's so vulnerable, right? It's so tender that it just feels like it gets all crunchy by the time we try to express it. So I think that the desire to express it well, is a common desire and then what needs to be expressed could be coming from any other part of the soma, you know, where we are most challenged. Typically because it's, it's fraught with vulnerability. So, um. And then, and then for a lot of people, it's like a whole life worth of stuff that they're experiencing in their body that all seems to get on lockdown when it gets to their throat. So I think what it comes down to is just pure expression. And, and so, you know, and I think this is where creativity can really be harnessed because we think it has to come out the throat, but a lot of times there's a lot of other ways to express it in a more creative way.

Sheridan:

And that's, and you kind of touched on where I like to go, which is, it's the simple question and it applies to everything. How comfortable are you with vulnerability?

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

it's actually really vulnerable to claim in a world that is going to, that is inherently just unsafe in so many ways, it's, it's vulnerable to actually make that decision and say, I'm gonna be safe. I'm actually deciding that I'm safe enough right now to be relaxed, and I can feel that reinforced in my body in these ways. It's very vulnerable to look at your finances when you don't want to, and it's vulnerable to choose love. I mean, all of the parts of you are screaming, you have to do this other thing, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, we're gonna choose this, ambiguous, airy fairy lovey dovey thing and just you have the confidence that we'll be okay. So I, don't find that I actually address it very directly a lot.

Leah:

Hmm.

Sheridan:

It always comes as a byproduct because we work so much on one's capacity to be vulnerable.

Leah:

So how do you work with someone when you're wanting to support them be getting into a relaxed state when they're not relaxed?

Sheridan:

We have three things that we do. We have a method body-based business. So the first thing regulate. I have a cheat sheet and first, identify what your nervous system tends to do. Then find the tools that you can use, that you will actually use without privacy, without space, without lots of time, like going to yoga class. I love that all for that. You're not gonna use it in the middle of the day,

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

the office. So instead, maybe what you do is you get really good at knowing how, how to use cold water, and you kind of use that on your hands or your neck or your face or breath or, um, peripheral vision orienting axis like practices. So we build that in and we make it a part of your day so that you're doing it automatically. It's just built in. Uh, then we do the trauma healing.

Leah:

Can you give an example of that real quick? What some of those, you know, a couple quick ones that people could maybe try on.

Sheridan:

Well, let's just all do, uh, one that's really simple and I think it's, it's kind of a combination of like the butterfly hug, which is that somatic hug where you cross your arms over your, your body and you hug yourself

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

and, um, the line exercises where we just we're using our hands to activate both sides of the brain by crossing them over to the other side of the body. And we're just gonna kind of like, you can hug yourself. You can tap yourself. But give, I'm not gonna do tapping. I'm gonna do hugging.'cause tapping is loud. Give yourself some contact. With your right hand on the left side of your body and your left hand on the right side of your body, and do it all the way down so you can get down to like your thighs and your feet. You can kind of rub your hands up and down, but you want'em to be on both sides, and we're just gonna do that. See if you can breathe a little bit deeper. And then notice and bring awareness to the sensations that feel either neutral or okay, or kind of nice inside. And it can be nice to even like look at something. My, my, my gaze moved'cause my body is used to looking for something pleasurable and I can see will, as yours is moving as well. So it, the invitation is to move your gaze. By closing your eyes and focusing on something that feels good, or move your gaze to something that looks nice. There's a really nice plant over there that's pretty pleasurable to look at. And just find something that feels nice and kind of give yourself this, and that's probably enough. And then, I don't know, do you guys feel like maybe 3% more present? Yeah.

Leah:

Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. It's lovely. There's some, uh, research done with, um, the Havening technique. Have you heard of the Havening technique? Yeah. Say same, same. You're crossing over, you're, you're activating those delta waves and then you're just caressing down and it's just that soothing feeling. And if, if you don't want people to see how you're touching the tops of your shoulders and your arms, you can do it underneath the desk with just the hands and you're just caressing the hands and it's so soothing and it's so beautiful when someone else can do it to you. When they come across and they're petting. Of the face from the forehead swiping across the cheeks, down to the chin. Um, it's a lovely little partner practice when you wanna bring some soothing to your partner. I love it.

Sheridan:

So we do a lot of those and we,

Leah:

Love it.

Sheridan:

to do that more. And then we do the trauma healing,

Leah:

Yeah. So say, say more about that. Yeah.

Sheridan:

Everyone has core fears. Everyone has awful things that have happened. And on the other side of that is a lot of wisdom and resilience. We have to integrate it. And so, I use somatic therapy. So it's a lot of feeling in your body. Finding safety, expressing safety, kind of closing that chapter. Some people need to have really big, cathartic releases. Some people it's more about integrating, understanding, not going into that so much, not talking about it. don't go a lot into the story. Uh, and sometimes it's more mindset around, okay, well what's the belief? Can I feel the emotion? Now it's looking at a different belief. In the book that I wrote, there's quite a number of practices that we can do, but it's all.. What is my body, what's the trauma my body experienced? And sometimes it doesn't come from us. It comes from up poor and my ancestors being poor for a really long time. So now my body has a specific relationship with money or with the government. And so we are doing a lot of kind of getting to know what the body's story is reorienting it to safety and connection and pleasure in different ways to different people's desires and capacity. And so we do a lot of that. And when we do that trauma healing spontaneously, you don't need to regulate so much.

Willow:

Right, you know, what you're speaking to really is epigenetic healing. Like healing through the DNA level. Um, healing all the way back through the, through the bloodlines, through the ancestral timelines, and into the future as well. Because, you know, those of us who. to bring children into the world. You know, we, we are then carrying different DNA code into that, that new life. And it's, um, really beautiful to see a whole generation, I mean, in my circle anyway. Around me, generation of young children who are coming in so much more healed and so much more regulated. Of course, there's the total opposite happening in the world as well, but you know, we call them these star seed children and it's just um, so hopeful to, to see that. You know, as, as people learn to do these practices and to really just kind of for them to become second nature in day-to-day life. You know, it just really changes not only your nervous system, but everyone around you. I've sort of always been very naturally pretty chill, like pretty mellow, pretty laid back. And so my, um, you know, even in a, in a stressed response state, I kind of just naturally have always gone to these practices. And um, you know, I think people have always felt very like, safe around me because of that. Because of that sort of steeped in nervous system. And it's so beautiful to witness people who, who haven't had that naturally, like literally transformed themselves through it and become somebody who is a delight and safe to be around and that they feel, you know, like they can just really be themselves with.

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Willow:

So the work you're doing is changing the world. Thank you Sheridan.

Sheridan:

I mean, you guys too and everyone listening to this, it's really true. You know, I was witnessing to somebody, and I know that they grew up with a lot of violence in their home, and the way that they're parenting their kids is so soft and so much emotional validation, and it's just, it's, you're, you're seeing it too. It's the most beautiful thing. And it, it will change the world.

Leah:

Tell us a little bit about your work with pleasure and how the focus on pleasure is changing people's relationship to their work and to other sectors of their life.

Sheridan:

I was really hoping that you would ask this question. Um, I think there's two things, right? So when we, we link a lot of our work to productivity, I. We get kind of sometimes Mm,

Leah:

Bogged down?

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Leah:

stressed

Willow:

out? Overwhelmed?

Leah:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Leah:

Critical

Sheridan:

Procrastinating, worried. Yeah. But then we go the other way. I don't know if, yeah. guys seen this? Where we focus too much on pleasure just doing what feels good in the moment, and then we look back and we're like, why does my bank account look like that? Like what? And it's funny'cause the personal development industry kind of tells you like, do what you love and you'll abundantly be supported. And I, I do believe that is true. But what I'm more, what I teach, is to get more curious about how you can bring pleasure in. So it's two things. It's one, how can you link your productivity with how much presence and pleasure you have doing the things that need to be done, to do your work in the world. And sometimes that means, and this is like opening up a whole different conversation, but some things are really boring and you actually hate to do them. And some things are really scary to do them. But your brain and your nervous system have a, um. Have a kind of a gateway and you can influence how it perceives sensation in your body. BDSM, kink, all of that. It's that gateway. What's the biggest thing? The perception of the sensation in your body. So there are some things that you need to do in your life to be productive or to have a business, or to make money, or to have a good relationship that are boring or scary.

Leah:

Hmm, Willow, you gotta kink out on tech, honey. You've just gotta do it.

Willow:

Well, it's so funny as Sheridan's talking, I'm thinking back to, I just rewrote the, the landing page for our Greece retreat and I loved every second of it. I mean, I was just in so much pleasure because I was getting to write again. You know, I was

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Willow:

in my creativity again. And I was like, I was like, maybe I should just quit everything and just write sales pages for a living, which you would never hear me say that in the

Leah:

No. I'm kind of shocked to hear it come outta your mouth right now, but you're good at it.

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Leah:

Yeah.

Sheridan:

But do you, do you, are there parts of it that you don't enjoy, like the, the techie things?

Willow:

Sure. But I'm learning a new method to the madness and it's really fun, you know, and, and then it's just like getting me, so I think'cause like. It's a, it's a, it's a retreat in Greece where we're gonna lead women. We're gonna go on a pilgrimage. We're gonna, you know, like pray at the gates of the divine feminine and really open up the goddess within and do all this, um, ritual and, and sex magic practice, Tantric and Taoist stuff. And, um, I, as I'm writing the, the sales page for it, I'm just getting really inspired and excited about what we're gonna do with the retreat, so...

Leah:

that keeps you juicy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Sheridan:

But there's this thing where it's like we have to accept that that's what we're doing. We have to consent to experiencing the sensations, and then the juiciness comes out. So if you just accept, okay, I, I am writing the sales page. I am sending the emails. If you accept it, you start getting curious, where can I feel pleasure here? Sometimes that constriction of anxiety in our chest, if we just breathe into it enough, it becomes really electric, and really fun, and really pleasurable sometimes. That thing that we are avoiding, that we're really worried about, if we breathe into it enough, if we consent to it, if we just focus on the sensation, not the story that we have about it, we just for three minutes focus on the sensation and consent and say, yes, I'm gonna feel this sensation. All of a sudden, either the sensation is no longer there and

Leah:

Mm.

Sheridan:

over it, whether it's heaviness or activation, or we're like, Hmm, this is kind of, it's like a heaviness that's, it's very mellow. Hmm. And I like light a candle and really mellow out and do this. Or it's an activation that's like, oh, this is cool and I'm, I'm really excited and oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. But it's all sensation. We are very powerful beings. We can change the way that we experience sensation.

Leah:

Yeah, I think that's, I think that's interesting. I think we're so addicted to dopamine. In our culture to the point where it's like we're we wanna distract ourselves from any amount of discomfort. We will reach for social media, we will reach for food, we will reach for complaints, we will reach, we will just reach for anything that will change our state because our intolerance towards discomfort has just gotten greater and greater and greater as technology makes life easier, easier, easier, easier. Our intolerance for doing hard things is, is growing. And there's something really important about pursuing hard things, that increases our life satisfaction. Like we actually need to do hard things and allow ourselves to be in boredom. And to be present with discomfort so that we're not addicted to the reach of dopamine. So this is kind of an interesting thing because we're looking for the pleasure in the discomfort. You know, by kind of in looking at this model. So it's very interesting. We're at a very interesting place in our, um, very evolved world. You know, like we're at the brink of destruction, you know, because of all the crazy conveniences.

Willow:

Yeah.

Leah:

Yeah. That we are now very accustomed to. None of us really want the inconvenience, the conveniences to go away. But we are gonna be paying a planetary cost. So this is like really kind of coming back on like the micro level. Of doing two things, which actually ends up giving us some pleasure in the long run. It, it actually creates sus sustained pleasure, sustained satisfaction by sitting in the sensation that we normally want to quickly dissolve. And shift out of. And so what I love what you're saying is when we can get really present, increase our awareness to what's happening in our system, be in it, instead of running away from it, then we will often discover very interesting things. One is the sensation can quickly dissolve. It can., It can change. When we just sit with it and not run from it. We can gain wisdom and insight due to that desire for curiosity. if it doesn't just dissolve, something else of value appears, we can then gain insight. Um, and then there is sort of the existential kink part of it, which is discovering a whole nother layer of get off on going through that eye of the needle. Which is actually being in the discomfort and finding something very rewarding at the end of it. Um, I notice that sometimes with like deadlines, I notice that sometimes I like have this story of like, oh, I procrastinate, or I wait until there's very little time left. And what I notice is to trust that now. Like, I'm actually pretty good under pressure, you know what I mean? Like, I actually do kind of like as uncomfortable and as annoying, and as anxious the buildup is then when I have to sit down and like, there's something really yummy about getting to the finish line right under the wire. And bitch, I made that my bitch, you know? And it feels really good to go like, fuck I, I can trust that I will get the job done. And like that ends up being a thing that I can rest in. So when the next deadline comes up and I'm not getting it done early, I'm noticing that it's still coming down to the wire. I've learned to trust that I'll get it done, which allows a little bit more relaxation this year than I had five years ago regarding the same habit. And um, and that's actually a very delicious thing to remind yourself of, that actually feels kind of sexy.

Willow:

Yeah, I mean this is really, you're bringing up such an interesting point.'cause we all do these little things like, you know, procrastinating. Some people do that, some people you know, always. I don't know what people do, I can't think of examples, but the things that we do, you know, it's like, why if we keep doing these things on repeat, there must be something inside of us that enjoys

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

can we find that thing?

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Willow:

play with it and have a little bit of fun with it. Have some lightness around it. Figure out where's our resistance with it. Let go of some of that resistance. Get closer to it. This is the same thing we're talking about when we're talking about doing the Somato emotional release work, right? It's like instead of like, oh, it's this pit in my stomach, it won't go away. Like, okay, well let's go into it then. Let's look at

Leah:

Yeah, like why do I love being broke? You know, because obviously you know if when that's your habit of like always, you know, finding your checking account has 10 bucks left in it, like there's some get off in that. And when we kinda shift where we're putting our attention, then things start to shift and I'm sure.

Willow:

to or read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot, check that book out because it goes deep into this topic and we're gonna have her on our podcast. I'm excited.

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Leah:

um, yeah, Sheridan. Thoughts on, on what we just shared there?

Sheridan:

Everything, everything. I, I would just reiterate all of it. It's really cool. And even I just say that sometimes the, the thing that we get off on is the fact that it's familiar and that makes us feel confident.

Leah:

Yeah, it's familiar. Uh, yeah, that's such a good point. And like what does familiar, what's familiar like? How does that feel? You know, like what, why, what's the meaning we make out of familiar? Why does that help settle us? How do we find safety and familiar? You know, it's very, very true.

Sheridan:

Yeah.

Willow:

Or if it's not safe, but it is familiar, like how do you wanna go about shifting it? Which is, sounds a little bit like what you went through Sheridan with your sort of big transformation, you know, from going from an abusive relationship, foreign country, all of that to where you're at now.

Sheridan:

And it's like, how can I practice finding safety in things that are not familiar?

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Sheridan:

can I be like, okay, my body thinks that familiar is safe, we are gonna find safety over here and.

Willow:

Yeah.

Sheridan:

It's just this big curious exploration, but I definitely think that existential kink is a must read. You have to be careful with it because when you're, if you're very much in that, um, and, and all of this kind of pleasure practice you're in that, I'm very, very tender and, and she speaks about this in the book. I'm very, very tender and sensitive and like I'm very, very activated by this. Okay. We need to build the safety first. We need to build the curiosity first, and then we

Leah:

Find out what the options are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There isn't, it's not a quick fix. It's hard to just make a giant leap from something that gives you a tremendous amount of confusion and pain and then thinking that you can just like, so just kink find The kink portal isn't necessarily a fast fix. It's uh, you really have to allow yourself to explore your subconscious.

Willow:

properly, like if you've got someone who's very skilled at holding space for this and guiding you through that. It could be quick. It could, let's not

Sheridan:

Yeah, and depending on your experience with your own mind and your own body, it could be really, really quick and depending on what it was, how you know, so many things, but.

Willow:

it also

Leah:

And how much practice you have on personal growth and not being in denial and your ability at self-reflection. I mean, there's, there's a certain, uh, when you have a higher skill level, it can be very fast. And if you don't have a higher skill level, having support where someone can teach you, how will uplevel at all to a more, um, efficient pace. So, uh, Sheridan, how can people get ahold of you? How can they find you?

Sheridan:

Yeah, well I have a website. I have a book. I would probably say just@_SheridanRuth_ on Instagram or the website. But if you go onto Amazon when

Leah:

www.SheridanRuth.com or just a Google search? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

Sheridan:

And if you search Sheridan Ruth in Amazon my book will come up and that will have everything. And the book is on success and actually feeling pleasure and flow in work, feeling that more parasympathetic state in work, in relationships, in work, and in the work that you put out in the world.

Leah:

And you, you have a free gift for our audience, nervous system regulation cheat sheet. So if you go to www.SheridanRuth.com/regulate, you've got a fun download. Anything you wanna say about that?

Sheridan:

This is literally the big place to begin, like. Leah, when you asked earlier how, like what's the first thing you do to get yourself out of that pattern? This is your holy grail. This is one of those cheat sheets where I put it up and I was like, Hey guys, I have this thing that I made and that was, you know, six years ago now. And it's the, it's just everyone really likes it because it's so tangible. Download it to your phone. The next moment that you're having a moment and you can't, I don't know, you forget to use the havening. You don't touch your, you're in a different place. Just like literally open it and be like, okay, I feel like this. I need, I use my options. Okay, I'm gonna go do them. It's everything and it will change all of your patterns. Yeah.

Leah:

Awesome. Great. I'm gonna download that too. Uh.

Willow:

And you have a podcast. Tell us where to find the podcast.

Sheridan:

Yes, it's called Sustainable Success. So if you search sustainable success, uh, on Apple podcast, anything else, you'll find it. We do really quick episodes, um, mostly run money sales work, uh, productivity, feminine leadership. No.

Willow:

Hmm. That's

Sheridan:

I know

Leah:

Yes,

Sheridan:

yoga. I, I have yoga videos

Leah:

all,

Sheridan:

back when I was doing yoga, but there

Leah:

All the other podcast channels are very accessible. Well, thanks so much for being on the show, Sheridan. Yeah,

Willow:

we

Leah:

enjoyed it!

Sheridan:

Thanks so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. I.

Leah:

Alright folks, tune in because next we've got the dish with Leah and Dr. Willow.

Announcer:

Now our favorite part, the dish.

Leah:

Dish, she dishy, dish, she

Willow:

Well... I always love talking about the nervous system because I'm a total dork when it comes to these nuanced parts of our health, which actually are not, can be very nuanced, but they're really foundational. So that was good candy for me.

Leah:

Yeah, I love that kind of inquiry. She's a really classic coach's mindset kind of educator, which is really lovely. I watch love watching people who are really, have such a strong coach's mindset, help people zoom out and gain awareness and see big picture. And, you know, notice the meaning that they're making out of things so they can kind of pull that apart and make different choices from themselves. You ask really great coaching questions. I, I, that always

Willow:

Yeah. Did you notice how she kept turning your, our questions back to us?

Leah:

Oh, totally, So, I'm like, she's interviewing us on our podcast. Yeah.

Willow:

which was great. Yeah.

Leah:

is great.

Willow:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, she is a sweetheart. I loved her podcast. I was listening to it for a little while, for a little while back there. And, um, it was, you know, just really bite sized, really, um, digestible little nibbles. And I'll probably go back to it now that we've, now that she's come back into my sphere again.

Leah:

Yeah. You love shorter form content. Yeah. Stuff you can gobble up. I like longer form. I'm like, I wanna deep dive, I wanna go down all the little wormholes.

Willow:

You know, one of the things that I did love about her, her thing is she would have like a series. You know, she would do like five or six on one topic, so they would be those little bites. But then, you know, I mean, little bites, they're half an hour, 20 minutes, half an hour. So they weren't tiny.

Leah:

Yeah, right. Like I can't stand the ones that are like, you know, three minutes or less. I'm like,

Willow:

Yeah.

Leah:

I might as well be on social media. Why the fuck am I listening to a podcast episode? Yeah, exactly. Uh, yeah. Yeah. But I liked her, um, her inquiry regarding attachments. Loved that she has this, you know, this idea of finding safety quickly. You know, noticing like, what can you do when you don't have a minute to go into like this full meditation. But you can do something to, you know, look at something that gives you pleasure, like change your state so that you can calibrate and actually be in a more re real. Way of reality. Because when we're triggered, we're, we're not really in what's real. We are in the story of, uh, this filter and this lens that's coloring everything that we are making decisions on because we're triggered. You know.

Willow:

Oh,

Leah:

and I, and I loved, I loved the, I loved the piece she had to say regarding. You know, in response to your question, like when you feel safe at a previous relationship and now you're in a different relationship and you're having a harder time feeling safe and like how to really address that and to catch when you are trying to control others

Willow:

Right,

Leah:

out because you feel afraid, you're not really in a state of love and sometimes getting into that state of love, which is also choosing yourself. You know, like if you find yourself not being able to be yourself because your admiration for the object of your desire is so high that you're abandoning yourself like over and over and over again, and then you wanna control them. You know, we've got a friend right now that I think is, might be struggling in a little bit of this, just feeling threatened when their partner is, you know, enjoying the attention of other women.

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

And it's on, you know, and that there's, there's our personal insecurities. There's, there's the fact that he's struggled with infidelity in his past. All those things kind of create this hyperawareness of threat and how can you dissolve that?

Willow:

And then control to come in

Leah:

Yeah,

Willow:

the fear wants to come in rather than choosing love. I mean, to

Leah:

yeah.

Willow:

choose love over fear is a never ending practice

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

that you get to the opportunity usually to practice every single day. Right?

Leah:

And it's interesting when you are successful with that, how a lot of changes are handled for you. You know, like sometimes, yeah, well, flow state's different. Flow state is actually scientifically what the flow state is, is you are in an experience that is both challenging and harnesses your natural skills. Then that puts you into flow state. We can't be in flow state all the time. Flow state is a very, very interesting state of consciousness. But when we're in relationship, I think it's um, and we're choosing love. Oftentimes things just resolve themselves. You may discover that choosing love means kind of choosing yourself and you're not in the right relationship. And you find that it will handle itself, you finding something else. Or the harmony that gets produced because you're choosing. Love allows that person to move towards you instead of away from you, because subconsciously they have their own issues with being controlled, which causes them to act out in ways that neither of you want. But you can't choose love in the hopes that that's gonna control someone, which I think is like the danger, right? Well, if I can just choose love enough, that means they'll change. And that may or may not be the case. You again, there's like that hidden agenda, which actually isn't love. So really, really just interesting more sorts of things to chew on.

Willow:

Yeah, definitely. Definitely some good fodder for evolutionary thought.

Leah:

Yeah. Yeah. And what a beautiful woman she is. I mean, no hair don't care, like, just like

Willow:

Well,

Leah:

Stunning. Oh, the eyebrows. I was just like, what a face, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I can only imagine what that was like for her at seven years old.

Willow:

Oh my God.

Leah:

I mean, especially being just like a girl and all the things, the way that we identify ourselves with our hair, like really interesting.

Willow:

My hair has been a huge part of my identity my entire life.

Leah:

Yeah, I bet it has. You've got epic hair.

Willow:

and blonde and natural

Leah:

Mm.

Willow:

I mean, people when I was a kid, they were like, if you ever cut your hair, I want it

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Willow:

all the time when I was a kid. So yeah, I can

Leah:

Have you ever had short hair?

Willow:

yeah, I shaved, I shaved my head

Leah:

Oh, you did? Cool. Yeah, I shaved my head too. I was so glad I did it. It was such a cool feeling.

Willow:

Cool experience.

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

Yep.

Leah:

Cool.

Willow:

And then if grew back curly. Go figure.

Leah:

Oh, how old were you?

Willow:

I shaved it when I was 20, let's see, 20. 20. Yeah.

Leah:

I was too, I had dreadlocks and I had to, I had to shave them'cause I got lice. Yeah. It was a thing.

Willow:

Funny. I was in a major ani DiFranco

Leah:

Uh,

Willow:

stage in my life and it was post rape and all of that, and I

Leah:

yeah.

Willow:

I thought about it for like a year, you know,

Leah:

Wow.

Willow:

finally did it. We went out, I had this super witchy friend and we, and I was kind of just getting my toes wet in the witchy world, and we like made all these amazing, um, incense potions and stuff. And we hiked out to the lost coast up in Northern California, which is a hard hike'cause you're hiking in the sand with your big fucking heavy backpack. And we found this beautiful, um, like, it was like a, a waterfall coming down the mountain into like a river that like opened up into the ocean

Leah:

Beautiful.

Willow:

And so I lay it on the rock first, we like braided my hair and we braided all the good things that I loved about my hair and we chopped that out, braid off, and we gave it to wigs for kids.

Leah:

Wow.

Willow:

Then, um, I laid on the, the rock in the, in the middle of the river and she cut all the scraggly pieces of hair off and I said all the things that I wanted to let go of and release.

Leah:

Beautiful.

Willow:

We used our little witchy incense and it was a really beautiful ceremony. So I got back to Arcada with no hair and then she just bick it and I was bawled for a

Leah:

That's amazing. You know what? I also shaved my hair in Arcata. I was living there at the time. I know, isn't that wild? And I got on stage with Ani DeFranco and I danced with her. So there's that connection, but I had a different experience of mine. I was absolutely devastated that I had to lose my dreads. And um, I drank like an entire fifth of Jim Beam to my head. I was so shit faced, sick, wasted. Um, and we cut it all off and it was crazy looking. And then the next day I went to the barber and have him shaved it clean. And, and I was so grateful I was cute because I had a little itty-bitty head and, um, I didn't have any weird bumps or any strange things, and so..

Willow:

I was not cute. I

Leah:

oh

Willow:

no, it was a hard time. I went in deep into the ugly, the ugly duckling stage. I

Leah:

wow.

Willow:

Accutane at the time, so my

Leah:

Ah.

Willow:

face was like dry and pink and you know,

Leah:

Oh,

Willow:

that shit not on market anymore'cause

Leah:

I know it so damages your psyche.

Willow:

But yeah, it was intense, so

Leah:

Yeah. A lot of people commit suicide on that drug. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun looking at old pictures and seeing like just when my hair started to like get a little bit more on my scalp. Oh, really?

Willow:

Yeah.

Leah:

Uh, I remember like, I remember the ecstasy of taking off a shirt and putting a shirt on and I was like, wow, I had no idea my scalp could feel like this. And it was the most amazing sensation. And I wonder why guys don't ever talk about that, like.

Willow:

Well, if they do it all the time, they don't have the sensation anymore.

Leah:

I can still, I can think about it right now and viscerally feel it again. It was that. It was that impactful. Alright, well fun. All right, thanks Sheridan. All right, catch y'all on the flip side, please tell us your story of Go Bald. And, um, and tell us how you have managed your own nervous system. What are some of the tips and tricks that you deploy to bring yourself into greater safety and integrate self trust? We're very curious. Love, love, love!

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and positive psychology facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine doctor and Taoist Sexology teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget your comments, like subscribes and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

People on this episode

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Dr. Willow Brown

Host
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Leah Piper

Host
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Sheridan Ruth

Guest