The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Cyrus Wild: How Embracing Your Dark Desires Transforms Relationships - The Feral Method | #133

• Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown, Cyrus Wild • Season 3 • Episode 133

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What happens when you achieve everything society told you would bring happiness - the dream house, thriving career, picture-perfect family - yet find yourself breaking down in tears, feeling emptier than ever? In this raw and revealing episode of Sex Reimagined, transformational coach Cyrus Wild opens up to hosts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown about his journey from living the American Dream to discovering an unexpected truth: that true fulfillment often requires us to question everything we thought we knew about relationships, desire, and authenticity.

Ever wondered why certain relationships feel effortless, while others leave you feeling drained? The answer could be hidden in your unique love archetype. Take the Archetype Quiz - https://www.cyruswild.com/archetype-quiz-dual 


🎯 IN THIS EPISODE:

  • Cyrus shares his raw journey from breakdown to breakthrough
  • How suppressing our "feral" nature impacts relationships
  • The power of holding both masculine and feminine energies in coaching
  • A fascinating look at relationship archetypes and how they shape our connections


EPISODE LINKS



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Leah:

If you're new, welcome to the show. If you're a long time listener, welcome back. This is Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown, your hosts of the Sex Reimagined podcast.

Willow:

And today we had a really amazing guest who is also doing a phenomenal collaboration with the one and only Leah Piper. So you're going to love this interview. Very, very cool. Cyrus Wilde is a transformational coach and facilitator known for guiding individuals through deep personal transformation by helping them reclaim their primal power and embrace vulnerability.

Leah:

That's right, you guys, please tune in, turn on and fall in love with my friend, Cyrus Wilde.

Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah:

Cyrus Wilde, friend and colleague, welcome to Sex Reimagined.

Willow:

are so excited to have Cyrus today and just learn about his phenomenal coaching, what he's up to in the world, what he's sharing with others in collaboration, and how he is supporting the movement of sexual awakening. So Cyrus, tell us a little bit about yourself and you know, who you serve, how you love to serve, and how you got into this work to begin with.

Cyrus:

hmm. Beautiful. Thank you for asking. yeah, I'm Cyrus Wilde. how I got into this work, in essence, around 2018, 2019. Yeah, my life in essence looked picture perfect with big beautiful house, five bedroom, four bath home, business and bulletproof career, wife and some babies, and again, everything on the outside looked beautiful. it was the American dream, right? but inside, there'd been something missing. Uh, yeah, something missing for, for a long time. And, I had this impression or assumption that after I, achieved the next thing or, or got to the next step, that, yeah, everything would be all as it should be. And yeah, come to find out it wasn't.

Willow:

It was kind of like you were chasing that thing that was going to make you feel fulfilled inside when all along it was inside and you had to kind of stop in order to find it.

Cyrus:

yeah, so you say it nicely, yeah, in, in.

Leah:

Oh gosh, yeah. I'm curious, was there like an implosion? Or was it just one day you woke up and said, oh, something's gotta change?

Cyrus:

how it looked in real life was, again, after a phenomenal holiday season, after New Year's, I ended up in the back hallway of this beautiful house that it took me a year and a half to, remodel. And like, I knew every nail and screw and piece of insulation behind the wall, every plate, every picture on the wall was like, meticulously picked out and put in place by me. yeah, I ended up in the back hallway of this house, just uncontrollably bawling my eyes out, because everything looked as it should, but there was just still like this big gaping hole, like where it's like a physical pain in my chest where my heart is and, Yeah, I didn't, I did what I thought I was supposed to, and it still hurts quite a bit. Yeah,

Willow:

so what did you do at that point?

Cyrus:

after that, uh, yeah, eventually I got up, right, because I'm here now. I got, I got off

Willow:

You blew your nose. You dried your eyes.

Cyrus:

yeah. Yeah, I

Willow:

did things shift? It sounded like that was a real pinnacle moment. How did things shift after that for you?

Cyrus:

yeah, started to look into, To therapy, people have mentioned therapy to me before, but it was almost like, you know, how do you find somebody? How do you, like there was like a whole another level of vulnerability in just even starting to look And anyways, I started therapy and at that point, nothing in my life made sense. Like my relationship didn't make sense. Career didn't make sense. Sex didn't make sense. and so I just started to like seek in all the ways through workshops, books, podcasts.

Willow:

Who was one of the big sort of influential teachers or guides along that journey of seeking?

Cyrus:

Charles Muir for sure, and, and Leah. one of the things that was missing for me was like this, this connection with, with my wife. on paper, we were like, It just was like a no brainer on paper. However, there was this, this depth of connection that was missing. And again, I just always thought it would come like, you know, after she finished maybe her second masters, or after I got promoted, or after we moved into this house, or after the kids, or after this. I just was like, okay, it'll, it'll come. Tantra had kept coming up, and, one of the things that really grabbed me was, like, connection, and connection through sex, and, like, relieving a shame, and so I signed us up for this beginner weekend,

Willow:

So you guys went together to your first beginner weekend. When was that? What year? Do you remember?

Cyrus:

I have no idea. I keep saying things were like a year or two ago when it's like, that's not, that's not

Leah:

COVID brain? Yeah, yeah, I

Willow:

timelines are all messed up

Leah:

but I remember you. I remember you at that weekend. So, I want to say it was six or seven, eight years ago, something like that. that.

Willow:

Oh, wow. Okay. And how, how did it, unfold? Cause I did my first Beginner's Weekend with Source Tantra with Charles and Leah as well with my partner at the time who I had a very similar experience with where I was like, okay, we got to like, I need more depth. I need more connection. He would try, he would rise up to the occasion and I would stick around longer. You know, he would always like rise up right as I was like about to walk out the door. And, um, And we did both the beginner and intermediate weekend. I think it was after the beginner weekend, we started to have some of the best connection and deepest intimacy and best sex that we'd had in our, I think it was six years at that time. And then after the intermediate weekend, we almost fucking broke up again.

Leah:

Oh, is that right? I didn't, I didn't know the

Willow:

didn't know that.

Leah:

of that. That's interesting. Yeah. How was it for you and your wife at the time?

Cyrus:

I'll speak for, I'll speak for myself, for me it was just like, like, like fireworks going off and for a big piece of it it was like i found it. You know like yeah not to get woos like it was kind of like you know like like god's here like you know like that's that's what it that's what it was for me

Willow:

Like you felt like you were finally in the right place and the right, with the right community and the right, you know, like landed. I have that same feeling.

Cyrus:

so with the practices of, of connection, and one of the things that was moving to me as well was, I remember at one point like Charles took all the men into a, to a room and, you know, it was, it was like, You know, a father figure taking you in and like, you know, like this and this and then, you know, he's telling you things and then you laugh and it's just, yeah, just every piece just, just meant so much. and for me, it was like, I found, you know, come to Jesus moment, you know,

Willow:

I love how Charles does that in The Beginner's Weekend, separates the men from the women and really like shows the men. It's like what the men never got from their fathers, you know, never got from their grandfathers, their uncles, the education around how to be with a woman. He really does that very well.

Cyrus:

How to be with a woman, for sure. yeah, it wasn't necessarily the same experience for the both of us. it may have had more impact for me and, I may have Taking it as a whole, and that didn't happen for her, so there's a possibility it created a bit more separation. Yeah, and again, not making anybody wrong at all. I think for her, it was like, okay, some of this stuff is good to learn, but she was like, it seems like you believe in it. I was just like, yeah.

Willow:

You're like, I do. oh, now what? So

Leah:

So, was that kind of the beginning of the end, Cyrus, or not quite yet?

Cyrus:

I think the beginning and the end had started before that, and it was likely a big reason for the implosion in, in me. So everything and life was, yeah, it was a muggle, A normal, normal, normal

Willow:

Muggle to magic person. Another convert.

Leah:

You know, it's interesting because, for years, working for Source Tantra, I started off as an event coordinator. And so I was handling the back of the room versus the front of the room. I would be answering phone calls and people would often ask, is this going to save my marriage? I'm going to have to drag my partner here. Like, can you talk to my partner and convince them to come? And I always have to tell people, look, Tantra does not promise to save relationships, what it will promise is to help you get closer to your truth. And to live from your truth is really how we most desire to live, because then we're connected to our authenticity. And sometimes people we'll journey with us through that. They'll, they'll journey within themselves. And then the relationship moves forward. Sometimes that doesn't happen. And we find out that our truth is telling us that we're going to, we're going to go different ways, but hopefully we'll have a few more tools to do that more ambiably. Maybe we can still support the love. It's just the love changes. and it's not a relationship on how to, it's not a course on how to do that, but it was one of the things I was always very careful to tell people to measure their expectations. So then what happened next? How soon before you guys decided to split ways and change the configuration of your relationship?

Cyrus:

After thatt weekend, yeah, we continued with other things like couples counseling and, yeah,

Leah:

All the things one does to save a marriage.

Cyrus:

All the things one does when on trips to get like, you know, just us alone and, uh, etc. yeah, I think maybe eventually by 2020, 2021 it was official, that we were, that we were split. I stayed in the house for about a year to give the children, my children, a chance to transition. So, there was many bedrooms, so I slept in the back bedroom to give them time to adjust before I moved out to another, another house that we had. And then the legal process took a little bit. I have phobia of, of like courts and, and that kind of thing. So I was kind of the hold up. We had went through a conscious uncoupling and we had coaches and

Leah:

Hmm.

Cyrus:

We're the only people in the courtroom that didn't have attorneys and it broke my heart to be in the courtroom and see people who are married and had houses and businesses and children together and they couldn't even talk to each other that the attorneys would talk and like there was this thing like it like it literally it literally broke my heart to be in there and see that and feel that

Leah:

Yeah, I bet.

Cyrus:

the disregard for relationship, you know. and then just one more thing, so like at the, when we finally did go to the court process, I, I had decided to do a cross country trip with, a new partner at the time that flew from, the Netherlands for us to drive cross country, but we had finally got the date for the divorce. So I drove all the way, I was in Washington state. I flew back to go to court, to get divorced, for a few hours, and then I got back on the plane to Washington State, did like a workshop, and then drove back to Massachusetts.

Willow:

Wow, that's quite a, that's quite a journey. Like, in the middle of a trip with a new person.

Cyrus:

Yeah.

Willow:

back to the other side of the country to

Leah:

I'll be right back. Got to get a divorce. Yeah.

Willow:

with you. It's a Tantric move, okay? Trust me.

Leah:

would Do you recommend the conscious uncoupling, was that really supportive to the transition that the two of you were making? Curious what the impact of that was.

Cyrus:

It was incredibly supportive, during the process. And then for me afterwards, I, I stick, I stuck with the coach a little bit after that. And I would recommend it because the, in my judgment, the divorce process, the court process is like If you didn't have an idea of like something to do to the other person while you're pissed off, they'll give you some ideas on some interesting things that you could do to the other person. So, to have an anchor, to realize this, this is somebody that you do love. It's just the love has changed and you're transitioning it and it's not your, it's not somebody to destroy now. And this whole container that you created is still good to try to keep that intact as much as possible.

Willow:

I think that Conscious Uncoupling work is so, so valuable when you've got kids, you've got, you know, your, your finances intertwined with each other. And so I'm curious at what kind of relationship and communication you and your ex wife are in these days. Like, how are you guys doing now?

Cyrus:

yeah, so we were really good for at one point. Now, now it's kind of fractured. but yeah, it's like, I think. Yes, yes, yes,

Willow:

Do you think it could flow again? Do you think you guys could use some of these, use some of these practices to bring them back? Remember, we're still consciously uncoupled.

Cyrus:

I think with time, yes. Yeah, it's like, I was with this person for almost 20 years. Whether it's wounds, or connection, or like whatever it is, is, is deep, so, if there is pain there, it's like a deep pain, and like, it needs, time, you know?

Leah:

Yeah, yeah,

Cyrus:

Like, I can't force us to be good all the time, you know?

Leah:

yeah, I'm sure a lot of people right now can really relate to what you're sharing. I think, it's such a complex experience going through a divorce and figuring out kids. And you guys are both like across the world, you're no longer in the United States. So there's all of that that's happening. How does your experience of like, you know, finding this, this, Whole inside of yourself that you know, you need to fill. Like you've got the call. There is something that needs to change and finding yourself in this position now where you're really supporting people going through their own transformation. How does that inform how you hold space?

Cyrus:

maybe to give it in a little bit of insight of like what it's like and maybe give a little bit of insight of like what my life is actually like right now. Yeah, this is kind of the most I've talked about this stuff in the divorce. Like, and I usually didn't call it a divorce. I call it a uncoupling just because I had so much stigma around the word divorce. from young, I just, always expected myself to be married once, to one person, have children with one person, and just have this nuclear family. Like, I always, imagined myself to be married once, one person, one family, da da da da da. So when it became clear that, that that relationship was gonna dissolve, most of my work was on that, on not feeling like I was a failure. and I did Landmark and that was like my basis for like, Landmark Worldwide was to try to shift my paradigm. and I started to learn about impermanence and like, and about clinging and, so to, to get to a point where I could, surrender to, Maybe what life was, was showing me at the moment and to not just, learn to understand impermanence, reading about it or like, you know, like audible or something to like, to like truly, to like truly live it. yeah, it was just like, it was like a cliff jump. once I, once I jumped off the cliff, it almost started to feel like anything was possible. I had started a new company, out of the blue. I started to travel, all around the world and, shift the idea that I needed to be fixed in, in, in one place. I started to explore different relationship structures. Yeah, I don't, like every area of life, like, nothing was, off limits in terms of, what could be shifted. So, so now over this last year, I've lived in Sweden. I've lived in the, I've spent some time in the UK. I lived quite a bit in Costa Rica, Amsterdam, Brazil.

Leah:

the nomad now, so you really like took that to heart. Which, which reminds me of something that I've heard you talk about that I think is really interesting. And that is, your brand is feral soul. And, and I really find that word very interesting. Like this wild feral part of ourselves that we often suppress as we become more domesticated. Because we're so driven as animals for security and safety. And we create these huge structures, right? It's like, we just want to get safe. We just want to get safe. We just want to find the person that we love and then life can begin. And then we're, then we'll be okay. And everything will rise from that. And then those who are probably listening, who've been in, long term relationships, you start to feel like there's gotta be something more. And then just this mundane, safe, secure feeling. You don't want to let it go, but something inside of ourselves somehow gets lost in that domestication. I'm just wondering, and those are my words, but what are your words to describe that?

Cyrus:

yeah, when I, when I bring up like domestication, it's necessary, right? We need, we as humans, we've evolved with civilization and tribe and community and, it's a positive thing, and there's the possibility that we suppress, a good amount of ourselves, to, to fit into these, ways of, of living. And, for me, a lot of the messaging around relationship and, to be good, Maybe came from religion and I'm not saying religion is bad, but how I interpreted it was, I remember learning about just even the thought of another person is a sin, and I wanted to be a good husband so like I had this internal conflict of just even the thought of another woman is a sin and I want to be good and like uh, and we're both animal and spirit, right? So like, we I was almost trying to kill or suppress or cage my, my animal, so that I could be, good in this relationship and how I showed up in the world, and because I was suppressing in, in one part of myself so much, my, my My wife started to no longer be able to feel me. The people around me couldn't feel me. for me specifically, I started to gain a lot of weight because, you know, like I need the pleasure, I need to get it from somewhere, like, you know.

Leah:

Wow, that's so relatable, right?

Cyrus:

And so the feral, the feral soul, is, getting back in touch with that. that animal part, that part of me as, as a man, again, within, I think consent is, is able to take and ravish a woman and like, like unapologetically. And, for me, there was a process of getting back in touch, with that part of myself. So say for like a beginner's weekend where you learn maybe like eye gaze and, and an attunement, there were other containers that I put myself in where, I was able to get in, In connection with my predator. So, to have my predator, and my animal, in tuned with maybe we'll say the higher with like maybe like a Tantra with like the eye gaze and so like, I'm in pursuit and I'm in pursuit, and I'm attuned at the, at the same time.

Willow:

Yeah, that's hot. Listen up men out there. That's hot. Do that. So is this what you're teaching men to do, Cyrus? Tell us. Tell us what you are teaching men these days.

Cyrus:

yeah, so, uh, another development is, is Feral Fusion, something that I'm working with on with, Leah, it's a joint venture, a combination of, both masculine and feminine. So, whether you're a man or whether you're a woman, there's, there's access to these, these parts, right? There's a male predator, maybe there's a female predator that somebody needs to get access to, the ability to receive and, yeah, to give in an attuned way. So, Both Leah and I are teaching men and women, how to have this, this dance and, both open up in ways that maybe they never thought was possible.

Willow:

It sounds like a perfect sort of union of the, the yin and the yang within a single human being, no matter what their gender is, like to, to be able to find that primal, animalistic, desiristic, that just like, I want to ravish you, that thing. Women actually love to be ravished, if they can drop into that place inside of themselves of letting go of control and surrendering and allowing and trusting and receiving. And you know, with, but with being attuned with each moment, being really present with like what is going on. So you're not just ravishing blindly, but you're actually ravishing with your eyes open, with consciousness, with intention as well. Like what is the intention behind this ravishing? Is it just to like awaken your own animalistic instinct or is it also to, you know, awaken something in her? Is it awakening something in both of you? So I'm so curious, I feel like You know after the whole me too thing that happened so many men are afraid to ravish They need an invitation these days, you know, it's like they don't want to just they don't want to overstep their boundaries.

Leah:

Don't want to get in trouble.

Willow:

don't want to get in trouble. Yeah,

Leah:

self preservation.

Willow:

totally

Cyrus:

Yeah, I'll use, I'll, I'll just use my, continue to use myself, as an example. Again, this is a part of me that I still continue to work on being comfortable with. Because it's a part of me that has carried so much, shame for like most of my, most of my life. Whether You know, like I said, attraction to another woman, feeling like I'm not good because of that, or, having the desire to take a woman that I'm, I'm with, eventually I became a nice guy, right? So like as a, as a recovering nice guy in, in, in all of it. with being in these containers, maybe at first treating a woman, I try not to take this out of context, like this princess, this goddess that like was on a, was on a pedestal to. Yeah, I don't know what we can say on the, on the podcast,

Willow:

say it. Just say it. Say it. Say it

Leah:

tell me to edit it out, so it's all good. Take risks.

Cyrus:

yeah, to learn in, to learn in that, you know, like some women want you to, you know, tie them up and slap them and, you know, put a butt plug inside of them and like, you know, like, It's a revelation for me and, I think for, sometimes for both sides, right? On what we think is, is right and, and, and good. yeah.

Leah:

yeah. I can say, you know, we had a coaching client recently, and one of the things that's really interesting is we have people take a quiz, so they can really find inside of them, start to already feel into the things that are subconscious, subconscious motivators that are helping co create this world outside that either they want or they don't want. And most of the time it's creating conflicts that oppose each other. For instance, we had this, this wonderful, client who scored in two different categories. One was he was the grounded nurturer and he also had the defiant spirit and the part of him that was a grounded nurturer. You know, one of the things he really craved was to be with like a sane, healthy, feminine partner. Someone who was safe and nurturing and loving and really was like this person who would listen and was kind of a caretaker, you know, I mean, lots of us want that and then there was another defiant spirit part of him that liked kind of sowing chaos, you know, he liked sort of breaking the rules and so in so doing that could really take that partner and jangle them, make them anxious about what's going to happen next. And so kind of finding that part of him that wanted two opposing things at the same time. And how can we create, co create that in like an interesting and a healthy way? Where that, that stimulates arousal. And desire and also creates a sanctuary at the same time. Also providing a place for him to pour his love into while also making things a little dangerous. And how does one really honor that part of themselves? And then how do you, do you not only honor what's true inside of yourself, but then try to explain that to future partners so that you're co creating it in a conscious way. That's sort of the material that we're really diving into is to take a look and uncover parts of ourselves. That want to be understood. So we're not just operating from, you know, all these blinding

Willow:

The shadow. Yeah, exactly. Well, I love this. I mean, I think this is, this is gold because this is so what everyone struggles with. That's what you were sitting with in your marriage, Cyrus, is like, okay, there's one side of me that wants this, you know, perfect life. And, you know, what side of me is that even questioning that? Like, where did that side come from? Is that really even yours? Is it, is it from society? Is it from your? Where did that come from? And then there's these other sides of us that we don't even know what's, what's there, or we might know, you know, through quizzes, like you guys are putting together, like these different archetypes that, that seemingly are opposing each other. You know, I want, one of the big things for me I'll share is like, I want to be, I want to be in the spotlight. You know, my North node is in, is in Leo, but my South node is in Aquarius. So I want to be in the spotlight and I want to live in a cave, you know, I want both. So can I, can I have like, you know, that sort of like, here, here's the gifts, here's what I have to offer the world. Here's what, you know, I think is important and here's how I can like, it feels good for me to share my gifts and my knowledge and wisdom with the world. And at the same time I need a lot of like solo time and downtime and alone time and so I think that everyone has these, really opposite, like this disparity inside of themselves that when we can start to reconcile and bring those parts of ourselves back together and start to have a conversation. What were these two archetypes you called them, Leah?

Leah:

Grounded nurture and the defiant spirit.

Willow:

Yeah. And so if the grounded nurture and the, and the defiant spirit are starting to have a conversation with each other, about how to co exist inside of this one particular client that you guys are working with, then he's actually got a fighting chance of, of, of creating that co creating something with somebody else. Otherwise, he's really not aligned enough inside of himself to, to manifest or attract somebody that he could play with in that.

Leah:

Yeah. There's a lot of sabotaging opportunities arise

Willow:

Totally. Totally. It just becomes a big shit show and you're all confused inside.

Leah:

Yeah, and so the thing that, that Cyrus are having, we're having fun exploring, and it's, and there's things that are happening within myself as a result, and Cyrus can speak to this too, is, How do we hold those posts for the masculine and the feminine? And what's the voice of the feminine? What does she have to offer that may be different than the voice of the masculine as we hold space for people, as they're exploring their own intermasculine and feminine and how different that feels. I mean, after each call, Cyrus and I kind of, we, we, we download for a few minutes and go, okay, how was that for you? Where are we heading next? What worked? What didn't work?

Willow:

So where are you guys with, uh, with holding those sort of polar posts, you know, the masculine feminine within the client? The yin and the yang.

Leah:

Well, for me, it's more just bringing up tenderness within myself. So it's me having a reflection of myself, experiencing myself in a new and in revealing ways. I'd have to ask the actual client what it's like for them, but I can just tell you that what's interesting for me as a practitioner is noticing myself in these experiences, noticing what I liked, what worked, maybe what arose that's still tender and alive in my system that is being called to sort of look at in, in a new way. What about for you, Cyrus?

Cyrus:

Yeah, uh, how I've experienced it is sometimes, as we show up, like a transmission will come through. I remember one client was sharing something, and it was a male client, and a transmission came through Leah, and it was almost like, she was speaking for this like archetypical feminine energy and because it was all three of us on the call, we got to pause with that and, yeah, just kind of like take it separate and, and, and look at it and, and feel it. And because, For this specific dynamic where I was a man and was we were able to like talk about it in real time He was able to digest it in the way that He had a lot more empathy for the woman in his life That he was having a thing with in that particular conversation That's one way that it shows up Also, what has happened, sometimes with, with male clients is, there almost naturally be this nurturing energy that comes from Leah on the call, that the person may need. And then I will come in with kind of

Leah:

Big Daddy shows up!

Cyrus:

a bit more penetrative energy, Okay, now that you're nurtured like it's time to move forward now. So, yeah where there's the possibility that, you know, and if you probably had us individually, we both have masculine, feminine, et cetera, but, where there's the possibility that maybe somebody could get stuck in that nurture, like the whole Jungian thing where, you know, or Freudian thing where you're attached to mummy, you don't want to let that energy go. and then, There's the masculine to

Leah:

Pierce,

Cyrus:

penetrate and, yeah, move the person forward, or if you just had all masculine, maybe, again, men can nurture, but this, I'm just making a point where, Yeah, maybe it might be too penetrative and too moving forward and not enough acknowledgement of a certain thing so with us both we were usually able to feel each other enough to to titrate and give the person the right amount of energy at any given time based off of what they brought up

Leah:

Yeah, one of the things I've really enjoyed watching, working with our female clients, is Cyrus will be reflecting what they said back to them so they can hear themselves in what they shared. And he often uses a word that they said, but I'm kind of cringe. And then that's the exact thing that that woman picks up on. And she, and what's so brilliant about these women is they go, God damn it. I don't really like that you said that, but you know what? I need to look at that. And then they, they take that and like, that's one of their biggest takeaways from the call. It's like this word that, that I would have been reluctant to accentuate.

Willow:

Can you give us an example of this

Leah:

Um, Oh, it's right on the tip of my tongue. Dominate. So this one female client, she was noticing that she kind of likes to dom her partners in the bedroom, but she noticed that she was unconscious of how much she was dominating the whole relationship and how that was preventing her from really having the relationships that she wanted. And there was some way that Cyrus highlighted that. in what in she shared, it was like, she wanted to just keep that word in the bedroom. But he brought it out in such a way that she had to acknowledge, Ah shit, I

Willow:

dominate in all ways.

Leah:

yeah, that's not serving me. And so you know, you know, like by the end of the call and what they share by the end of the call and what they got, that they're taking that and they're going to chew on that for a while. They're going to use that information that got reflected, that came from inside of them, wasn't coming from Cyrus. He was just sharing what he heard. And they're going to marinate in that. They're going to really take a look and be reflective about what does this mean to me? And, and how, where do I need to become more conscious? And what do I want to change moving ahead? And then that ends up accelerating the next session.

Willow:

Now, you guys mentioned two archetypes. Are there more?

Leah:

Most certainly.

Willow:

Well, we would love to hear about all these different archetypes and where they originated from and what they all mean.

Cyrus:

there's 12 archetypes. Uh, we're not going to share all of them here. You're going to have to take the test. there's 12 archetypes. They're, indirectly connected to the 12 Jungian archetypes, the building of these archetypes, it's informed by, how you find safety in, in connection. so like Leah was mentioning. previous client in a dynamic sometimes we find ourselves victim to our relationship, but within these categories, as we have awareness and we're conscious of it, we can, we can choose it. So, maybe some of us have some troublesome ways that we find safety in relationship, but we don't make anything good or bad, but with the archetype test we have this information. So how do you find safety in connection? Another one is how do you turn up and down the passion in your relationship or connection? Yeah with the passion maybe there's too much passion and it's like not functional because you guys have this push and pull and you fight and, but then you're together. And so, so maybe the passion is too high and you need to bring it down. Or maybe there's no passion at all and you need to turn it up. So, we get that information. So safety, passion, a separate one is arousal. Like what, what are some of the keys to your arousal and, and, and how to tap into it. And, and there is a distinction between the passion and, and, and the arousal. and then the fourth one is, In essence, I can't think of another way to describe it, like how you feel, how you can feel love, like how you can, actually receive it and, and, and, and give it. yeah, so with those,

Leah:

so that when you can understand, how does it land in me? How does it, how does it land when I'm trying to give it? Is that working? and, and through all of that, what gets developed is communication. Is when you start to know yourself, then you have the ability to teach others how loving you works. You know, like, because you start to discover what opens your body, what closes your body? and so in all these realms between feeling safe and being able to communicate and feeling arousal and then also feeling alive, you know, having passion to live a really turned on life is something we all crave because we may not know the words for it, but like Cyrus said at the beginning of this conversation, most of us know At some point in our life that something's missing and the hunger for it and the acknowledgement of it, it's almost like a call from the universe that you can't not answer. It gets too loud. And so, you know, finding places that people can come and discover those answers that yes, there is something more and it, and it's an inside job. And when you learn to tap into that, then you can cultivate it and then you can co create it out in the world.

Willow:

Yes. And so when, when you're helping people identify these maybe more unconscious places inside of them, and then I'm curious, like on these calls, are you doing a little bit of role playing? Are you just sharing with them what that sort of, you know, shadow side of them is and how it's showing up in their life? And then are you giving them any kind of like take home work? where they are, you know, I don't know, journaling or, or communicating differently through that, through that particular archetype that they were not aware of before.

Cyrus:

so it's, first we start off with, with awareness. First we start off with where a person is, is at, where you're at in life, like what do you have, what do you have going on. Typically, that needs to be shared first, and an understanding of that. And then based on what somebody, what somebody wants or desires, there's kind of an unraveling of, these areas that we, spoke about. there's not necessarily role playing. That's there's a depth of awareness that we achieve, especially with the foundation of the Archetype Quiz. and for the beginning, a good amount of the call is this, Awareness, and I say this in a way that like when Leah mentioned, the one of the woman clients that we had says she likes to dominate in the bedroom. And I think something along what I said is like, okay, so you like to dominate men. in fact, how much work it actually takes to truly be aware of, to have a Decent amount of self awareness to, to do anything I think is underrated. and maybe some of the homework things and good, but it might be just kind of like I give you something. So you feel like, yeah, part of the coaching handbook. But, 95 percent of it is, the awareness and we are a mirror to help you, get there and then there'll be tools to help you choose for, for yourself. so it's not typical.

Leah:

I would say that we're really coming from the place of everyone has all that they need and all that they need they have. It's helping them resource that inside of themselves because the truth is, is most people are more likely to take their own advice than they're gonna take our advice. We, they might love our advice too, our advice may be golden, but that doesn't mean they're going to take steps and make it actionable. But when it comes from deep inside of you, there is this inflection point that drives somebody's actions because it comes from within and that's way more powerful. So sometimes it's hard not to have an agenda. You see someone and you see their light and you also see their shadow and you think, oh, you just drive them over here. You got to be careful of that. That's, that's one sometimes I struggle with. And there are sometimes people don't have a resource. They're, they're missing a tool or a technique. And so then it's our job to provide them with a tool or technique that they can then internalize and use if it's right for them. and so you offer that and they can explore it and

Willow:

So it sounds like what you guys are really doing is helping, is like, Sort of providing these ahas through reflection, through conversation, through, you know, helping them to see places inside of themselves that are ruling their lives, that they're making choices in the present current time of their life, out of these, unconscious patterns and things that have been, you know, causing them pain at the same time.

Cyrus:

For sure. the transformation that takes place within our work based on where the person is at and We're not trying to change anybody, or we don't have this ideal way that you, you should be. We're taking you, possibly of like what your makeup is at, at the moment. and one example that I'll give is, Say you take a stereotype that some people view as negative, right? A stereotype of a woman that is a gold digger, is perceived as a gold digger, and she likes to receive gifts from men, and there's the possibility She could be a little anxious and she needs lots of reassurance and somehow in their dynamic they end up in arguments where maybe there's some charged energy from, from, from the man, but in the way it comes across now it's, it's maybe it's not, it's not healthy. but maybe the same stereotypical woman goes through our program, and we normalize the fact that one of the ways that she receives love is, is by receiving nice things and she has a standard and that's, and that's okay to have this standard and, and to receive these things and, where she gains this awareness, this embodied awareness where, she's able to ask for, for this, like, this is how this is how I need to be loved so that she has, she can discern, who are the right people, to allow, in her life to love her in this way and, you know, there's this attachment thing that's out there and like, maybe, she could be categorized as anxious and again, there's nothing bad, in our, our realm. So, in our realm, that just means she needs lots of reassurance. And as she has a better understanding of that, and it's, she doesn't feel as though it's, it's bad, and she's able to ask for it. Now she's with a man that gives her, quality gifts in a way that she can appreciate and know that she's appreciated. this man, can show her attention in a way, whether it's text messages or whatever it is, right, in a way that she, feels safe with this person and, and probably surprised now it's, she's in a secure attachment, right? But anyways, and then maybe in the past, she needed to get these gifts in an unconscious way or, she needed to be a certain way to find out if this man truly loved her and maybe it was like, can be described as acting out and these arguments took place but, she's in her power now and she knows one of the ways to turn up the passion in the bedroom is, if he grabs her and calls her a gold digging bitch but like, you know, but it's like, it's conscious, it's within their container and it's juicy and, and he loves it and she loves it and, Yeah, we took this negative, so called negative stereotype, and now there's like this thriving, juicy relationship that, yeah, that works.

Leah:

it's like you take something that maybe was judged as shallow, and then you see just how deep it is, how much safety is interwoven in it, how much arousal is connected to it, how much it like it's a turn on and then there's a turn off. And how do you leverage that? And so they all start to work together and you see this thing that you thought was shallow that actually is very deep and and is sort of like a key to opening one's essence if, if you're willing to courageously look at it.

Cyrus:

Yeah, almost an unbreakable bond, where maybe before it was relationship after relationship.

Willow:

think it's really, you know, a testament to getting really honest with yourself, getting really like true to yourself and your needs and your desires within relationship. Because we all grow up with like, well, this is what relationships should look like. And you should bend and morph and change yourself a million different ways so that you can fit into this space.

Cyrus:

uh,

Willow:

And how well is that working? Like, what's the divorce rate these days? You know, I don't know, but, and there's no shame in it. There's, you know, it's just, we're all starting to configure different styles of relationship, even. You know, like, I've recently been exploring more non monogamous paths and, you know, some people will kind of start having conversation with me and they'll be like, Oh, so you're polyamorous. And I've always had like such an aversion to polyamory, like hell no, I don't have energy or time. I've got too much, you know, too much of my sole purpose to focus on. And I like, cause I know that polyamory does require a lot of time and energy and parameters and a lot of conversation and boundaries and skill and all of that. And so I've always sort of been really not, you know, not wanting to take on that label and still have like this sort of knee jerk like initial reaction, no, I'm not that, you know. however, at I just want the relationship that's going to work, you know, just, I don't care. I don't, you can call it whatever the hell you want to call it. I just want the one that's going to work for me. And so in creating that, you know, everyone has to be really honest with themselves. So, you know, I mean, maybe I will take on this gold digging bitch because it sounds pretty hot.

Leah:

Ha ha ha

Willow:

Maybe I'll try that archetype on, you know. Kink that shit

Leah:

out,

Willow:

Yeah, you know, I think there's a, can be really fun to learn about ourselves. It can be really fun to try on different archetypes, different masks, different, you know, is this something that I might enjoy? It never even occurred to me before, but it's possibly something that could be really empowering for an individual when they try on something that, just wasn't even in their consciousness at all before. And I think it also expands and opens up what, what you can co create with others, you know, whether that's in a monogamous or non monogamous situation.

Leah:

yeah. So what's next for you, Cyrus? We've got the coaching work. Is there anything else that you want to share before we wrap up? Anything we haven't asked you?

Cyrus:

for sure. If, if you're in the Nosara area, even if you're not, jump on the plane. we have,

Leah:

is in Costa Rica?

Cyrus:

Nosaras in Costa Rica. Sorry, not everybody knows, right? how do you not know? A three night, Shabari temple immersion, called Soul Ties. I brought an ama an amazing facilitator named Katie Bird. She's gonna take us through, a three night temple where, each night we we deepen, in into devotion. And the rope is the means of of of devotion. where we're all We will all gain this shared, this shared language. Yeah, so in regards to devotion, in regards to polarity, dominant submission, but not in overt ways, like you'll, it'll, you'll get it into your body without Yeah, saying this is what this is. This is, it's like, this sweet nurturing, this depth, this, yeah.

Leah:

for people who don't know what shibari is, what would you say? Would you define it?

Cyrus:

It's where you tie somebody up.

Leah:

It's a

Cyrus:

With consent

Willow:

Japanese art form of, of tying. Yeah. It's super hot and super sexy.

Leah:

yeah, and really just

Willow:

feels good. Yeah.

Leah:

yeah. by the time this airs, you'll be able to get on the VIP list in order to take the Feral Fusion quiz, which will help you define some of your archetypes, so we'll make sure that that's in the show notes. so for those of you who are curious about the quiz, you'll have access to it.

Willow:

I cannot wait to take this quiz. So exciting y'all.

Leah:

Yeah,

Willow:

Thanks for putting it together and for leading the path in helping people discover these unconscious shadow sides of themselves so that they can really co create the relationships that are going to work for them.

Leah:

yeah, and check out www.CyrusWild.Com and check out his Instagram. What's your Instagram?

Cyrus:

@CyrusWild_.

Leah:

Great. Check him out on Instagram and he'll be on our YouTube channels. Thank you so much Cyrus. So excited for everything you're creating in the world.

Cyrus:

Beautiful. Thank you for having me.

Announcer:

Now, our favorite part, the dish.

Willow:

Dishing it up on Cyrus. it's so fun that you guys are doing this collaboration together. And, and I'm curious, like how that came about. Did you guys, just start chatting at one of the Source Tantra events about it, or was it more of off, you know, on your own about it? How

Leah:

No, he, uh, would reach out to me every couple of years. And I think he had a couple of discovery calls, you know, and it was always just sort of waiting for the most ripe time. Um, and then he did my Love Pro Mentorship program. And as he was cultivating feral fusion and working on retreats and deep dives for men. And then we started to take a look at what that would look like for women. And, and then this other segment of launching his coaching business. And then we just started to collaborate and try some things on, it was really fun to start, you know, we did a couple experimental coaching calls with some of the people he was encountering at all these different workshops and, and then he developed this quiz and it was like, well, this is so fun and this is so interesting and look how that came alive and look how that got revealed. And then I always wanted to have sort of some kind of program, uh, with a male counterpart so that we could play with the dynamics of the masculine feminine wisdom and not only sort of modeling how to be in right relationship as two facilitators, but then also seeing what wisdom could be illuminated by having access to both, you know, You know, those two polarities

Willow:

Mm

Leah:

taking someone on a journey. And so that's kind of what gave birth to the whole idea.

Willow:

I love it.

Leah:

we were both ready at the right time.

Willow:

Yeah, finally the timing aligned. I love that. Great. Well, it sounds like he's been on quite a soul seeking journey and has discovered a lot about himself in a short amount of time. And so I'm sure teaming up with you, who has been on this path for a very long time, it feels really, you know, aligned and, and, supportive to, to both of you. You know, you, you been on it for so long, you're always kind of like, what's the next fresh, like fun thing that I can play with, you know? And, and for him, you know, I, I imagine there's sort of like, Oh, well, Leah is seasoned, you know? So that, that brings some, some real credibility and also just some sense of, you know, groundedness to it.

Leah:

Yeah. One of the things I really am attracted to about Cyrus, which feels like a good fit, is when you're working with someone who kind of has this alpha male energy, He's sort of the strong silent type too. So there's a way with, and he used the word, penetrative energy. He has this penetrative piercing, yet quiet, still, it's like all the things you think about when you think about masculine essence, you know, the, the tall mountain, the stable tree, the, the ship that can weather the storm, all those things come really naturally to him. And what that does to me is it helps me settle. It lets me settle and rest in my feminine, in a way that I don't, I'm not always given opportunity to because I have to hold both, you know,

Willow:

Right. Yeah. I could

Leah:

and in my work in particular. And I love the opportunity of leading, facilitating, teaching and coaching from my feminine versus my masculine. So when someone's automatically holding that, it shifts a part of what's available to me. And it can be challenging, right? Especially when you're sort of used to your style.

Willow:

You're like, I'm gonna, I'm going to dominate this shit.

Leah:

but I'm noticing that I really like, it's a great opportunity to sit back and You know, so, and I've had other colleagues in the past, TJ Bartel in particular, who, that was another really lovely dynamic when we would co facilitate, you know, the Source Tantra teacher trainings and, and we would work privately with couples. It was another thing I could really lean into and I haven't had access to that in quite some time. I'm always kind of looking like who's the next Shiva post, if you will, that I can play that dynamic with even in my collaborations with a lot of women, I tend to hold the masculine post. I tend to be the one that's resourcing the form and bringing things in to form. And then usually my female counterpart is resourcing the mystery, as we sort of say, and pulling the mystery in. So it's nice to be able to have to have a chance to play with that polarity. And I don't know if anyone listening out there even knows what the hell I'm talking

Willow:

Uh, well, I

Leah:

talking shop right

Willow:

yeah, and I know exactly what you're talking about. And I'm so curious, like how, how our dynamic will shift as you dive deeper into this dynamic with Cyrus. Because of, you know, getting to experience more of that feminine, energy and essence flowing through you, as you're, as you're coaching as, As you're working with him, because we also do, um, co co coaching for some of our clientele. And, um, you know, and we do it differently. Also, we don't do it all on the same call together. It's more like a tag team. And so it'll just be really interesting to, you know, just, this is, this is one of the beautiful things, people, about non monogamy, you know, I'm like, I'm not sitting over here going like, oh, she's doing something else with someone else. Like, I fucking celebrate it, you know, I'm so, I'm so happy and I'm so grateful for whatever it will open up within you, Leah, that will then shift and, and, open up within us.

Leah:

Yeah, yeah. And I think it's also gives me a chance to gain a little bit of perspective in my relationship with Matt, you know, um,

Willow:

Yeah, right.

Leah:

as all these relationships do, right? Like, uh, just the other day we were coaching another woman and she was talking about being visible, being understood, and like, how important someone asking questions is so that she feels like you're there with me, you're just not overriding my feelings or my thoughts or the way I look at things, which has been sort of a dynamic. And one of the things she reached in her deep desire to be understood was realizing that she's gotten feedback many times, which is You're hard to understand.

Willow:

Okay. Yeah, I gotta

Leah:

it's like, here's this thing you really want. And, and the, whatever, there's a lack of clarity that's happening in the transmission of this desire of being able to speak clearly and what she was able to illuminate for herself, which I got to take home with me was, I need questions. I need someone to be curious. I need someone to help draw forth this understanding. To want to understand me enough that you're willing to ask questions. And, and one of, we've talked about this on the show before, but one of Matt's wounds is feeling invisible.

Willow:

Uh huh.

Leah:

and he's very good about asking me questions. It's not like he's asking me questions so that I'll ask him questions. And I, and I realized that I am not as generous. With that of asking, what do you think about this? And what do you think about the book that you're reading? What is that bringing up for you? And when you had that conversation with so and so, what meaning did you make out of that? And you know, what's important to you this?

Willow:

Well, it's very interesting, Leah, that you're not as generous in this with Matt, because you are the question queen in my world, like, in my experience of you. Like, always digging deeper and also, like, wanting to know the timeline and really understanding I don't know, I don't understand, like, Oh, well, when did this happen? And then when did that happen and how did this flow and how did that flow? And I think that, you know, when we get into longterm relationships, it can be really easy to like, you know, the, the thing that we're so good at to, to not bring it quite as, as much into a relationship. So I love that, you know, you're that this, that this relationship with Cyrus is also awakening that and inspiring that even more in your marriage.

Leah:

And which I, you know, Matt would be so pissed if he heard this, maybe some of the whole Tune in. Sometimes he, he listens to some of the episodes, but not all of them, but, um, I know that that's also beef he has, like, well, you're so, you do this for everybody else. Like, if I'm the most important person, why aren't you doing it with me? And it's so interesting, right? Like, these are the most important person in your life you can take for granted so much easier. Like, all those questions poured out of me in the first five

Willow:

years of the relationship. in the beginning.

Leah:

And now I'm like, I'm so talked out. I've been talking all day long. I don't fucking want to know. Like I just want to unplug, read a book and not talk, not be out. And so remembering that, uh, I need to, I need to curate and make precious a certain amount of my energy so that I can turn that towards because he's the most important person who I want to Be and feel like I am that safe place that he, that if anyone sees him, I do. And I want him to feel that in his bones. And there's also a place that he has to feed that in himself. So it's, it's this constant dance. But I have to say that I'm really grateful when what he complains about, I'm able to get a reflection from somebody else that helps me understand him better. Because sometimes when you're so close to someone, you, there's a block to being able to understand how they feel, the way they feel when you're just hearing a complaint. And then I hear that complaint and I take that as criticism. And then there's a block to actually hearing what are they really saying? What do they really need? But when you can hear it from somebody else, it's like, Oh, that's what I've been missing in my desire to understand this beloved of mine.

Willow:

Yeah. Exactly. So powerful. Love it. That's why, many colors in the rainbow make a prettier rainbow, y'all.

Leah:

Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Tell us what you think in the comments. Thanks so much for being a listener. We love you. And please share the episode with someone who you know could benefit from it.

Willow:

Cheers.

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

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Leah Piper

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