The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Layla London: Documents Her Sexual Bucket List Journey & This is What Happened | #118

• Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown, Layla London • Season 3 • Episode 118

Share episode

Send us a text & leave your email address if you want a reply!

Ever wondered what happens when you completely revolutionize your sex life? Meet Layla London, who woke up one day and declared "enough!" after 3.5 years of celibacy. As the anonymous creator of Curious Girl Diaries podcast, she transformed from corporate warrior to sexual explorer by creating an audacious bucket list - and decided to document every step of the journey. What started as a one-year project of sexual discovery evolved into an eight-year adventure that's still unfolding, inspiring countless others to explore their own path to pleasure and personal transformation.


EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

  • The Birth of the Sex Bucket List: How frustration with celibacy sparked a sexual revolution
  • BDSM & Beyond: Discovering submission led to deeper self-understanding
  • Threesome Tales: Real talk about group dynamics and unexpected learnings
  • The Power of Trust: Building profound connections while maintaining boundaries
  • Feminine Rising: Balancing corporate success with sexual surrender


EPISODE LINKS 



KING & QUEEN OF HEARTS. Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Buy Now. 10% off Coupon: KINGANDQUEEN10.

THE MALE GSPOT & PROSTATE MASTERCLASS. This is for you if… You’ve heard of epic anal orgasms, & you wonder if it’s possible for you too. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon PODCAST20.

THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20

LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.

Support the show


SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website


Leah:

Welcome everybody. My name is Leah Piper. I'm with Dr. Willow Brown. And you know, it's so cool. Lately, we've been getting just a flux of new comments. Thank you so much for those of you who are just taking an extra second or two to write into us. And this one woman who was talking about the Charles Muir episode with Christy she said that this conversation was so illuminating that there was a way to take sacred Spiritual concepts and bridge them into sex. It really gave her so much food for thought. So thank you, Margaret. We appreciate you writing into the show.

Willow:

Oh my gosh, such a great comment. And today We've got Layla London from the Curious Girl Diaries podcast. Now this is a very interesting episode and you are gonna dig it because Miss Layla London is an anonymous. podcaster. And she's been doing this for eight years, talking all about the sexcapades and crazy things that she's gotten into. She basically woke, woke up one morning after three years of celibacy and decided enough is enough. I am writing down my sexual bucket list and I'm going after it. And she decided to share that with the world anonymously. And, uh, so she was just super fun. So many good stories, so many good sexcapades, you're going to dig this episode.

Leah:

Yeah. What a cool, brave human being. Who's, out there doing the good stuff. I think you will be delighted. So please tune in, turn

Willow:

turn on, and fall in love with Layla London.

Leah:

Miss Layla London.

Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Willow:

All right, welcome to Sex Reimagined. We are here, with the one and only of the Curious Girl Diaries, Layla London. And so we're so stoked that you're here with us, Layla. And if you're watching this, you're going to notice that you cannot see Layla fully. You can just see her from the nose down, which is on purpose because she is an anonymous podcaster for her, what, eight year long run with this podcast.

Layla:

Yes. I've stayed hidden.

Willow:

pretty impressive. I would say.

Layla:

Yeah, I kind of like it. There's, there's a, there's this naughty element or like, there's

Leah:

there's some mystery to it. It's really cool, actually.

Willow:

Yeah. We get to look at her boobs

Leah:

Yeah.

Layla:

I know. I think I'm, I think I'm ovulating. They're, they're quite puffy today. We got ovulation tits.

Leah:

Yay. Those are sometimes the best tips. Um, so Layla, what, what got you started in wanting to have a podcast that's, you know, with the subjects of sexuality in it?

Layla:

it wasn't intentional. Uh, how it started was. Back, uh, back when this all started, it was, I had been three and a half years without having sex. And I kind of woke up one day and said, what the fuck am I doing?

Leah:

is enough!

Layla:

Nobody has touched me. What is going on? You know, I got to stop wasting the pretty, I got to turn, turn a 180 on this and get, you know, get out there and start exploring. And I kind of, at the time was very much deep and deeply entrenched in my business life. And that's really what kind of drove me into this, like, you know, just masculine mode and, you know, slaying the dragons and making the money. And I neglected a lot. In order to get there, and I thought, okay, I have a problem. I, I need to have a solution and I have to have a plan and a path and that's how I'm going to get my way out of it. So I decided to make a sex bucket list. And I thought if I'm going to do this. I'm going to give myself a year to go really wild, just scratch off everything that I've ever, that I even find sexy. And then at the end of it, after a year, I'll just be done with it. But the podcast was really, that's why it is called the Curious Girl Diaries. It really is a diary to myself. And I really wanted to document through all these experiences. Who I was becoming and how I was, how this was going to change me because I did worry, like, well, gosh, if I go out and, you know, go to a sex club and, Have sex in public in front of people, strangers, what does that make me, you know, and should I, you know, should I be doing this? Should I not be doing this? But I just said, I'm going to give myself the absolute freedom to go for it. And that just blew the doors off and started me on this, the most amazing personal journey, I guess, that I've ever had in my entire life and the most fulfilling. So, uh, yes. And so here I am still doing it. You know, eight years later, because you don't stop that.

Willow:

No. Yeah. why, Why would you stop evolving and growing and having great sex? Well, I'm so curious. Curious girl on the, that first year, like what was one of the really big bucket list ones that you got to cross off that you were like, Oh my God, I finally did that one. That was so amazing. What was it?

Layla:

oh, there was a lot, but, um, but BDSM, I mean, I finally, you know, I, I. I tried it and I really kind of thought, again, all of this stuff, I really thought I'm going to do this. And then when this is over, I will go back to my same old vanilla self.

Willow:

That's so funny you thought that.

Layla:

isn't it crazy? I mean, you can't, I know you can't, what's that saying? You can't, you can't cross the same stream twice. I mean, it just. You're, you know, these experiences change you. And so that was probably the most impactful, uh, you know, it has been so far of everything I've done, uh, and I've done a lot of stuff. Uh, but the, you know, just the BDSM for me, I found has really helped me. Has opened me up to help me discover more about myself as a sexual person, and then also being able to use that to really, really deeply connect with my partner. And I'd never

Willow:

In, in what way? Like in what way did the, has the BDSM. Really.

Leah:

hmm, deepen your

Willow:

Yeah.

Layla:

Yeah because first and foremost, you have to have really good communication. About around this stuff that you're doing and you can't, you don't just, it's not something you just free wheel into without talking about limit limits. Um, you know, what, having safe words, really just how far you can be pushed, um, what your experience level is. And so the, just, I found that just having these deep and open, honest conversations with another human being surrounding sexuality was really Amazing. Just to have the conversation. That was like foreplay, you know, and, and it's like, wow. Yeah.

Leah:

So much self discovery in those, conversations. I think it's one of the biggest gifts that BDSM has given sexuality is actually a framework for exploring conversation, communication, and really it asks the practitioner. Regardless of what position in the scene you're playing, whether that's more of a dominant archetype or a submissive archetype, it has you have to ask yourself, It's really interesting, important questions, Curious Girl. I mean, it really is such a great, um, a great title for your show because of so much is being birthed from that place. And I think, I think you can't really go into the kink spaces without being curious and having that as something that you, um, pursue, cultivate, develop within yourself. Yeah.

Layla:

Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, and having the right partner, you know, I was lucky because I had somebody who really was able to lead me through all this. And he had a lot of experience and where I had none, you know, and he knew where, because I'm very impatient, you know, and so I was always like, well, I want you know, this and push me and go, you know, like, we should be moving at a faster pace. You know, and. But that, the thing is, is that, that never rattled him, you know, it was always just like, he, it would kind of go in one ear and out the other, and, and, and that really also taught me again, okay, you're not, You're not doming, you're not doming from the bottom, you're not in charge, this whole point of this is, let somebody lead you, which, outside of the bedroom, I always had a hard time with too.

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

How? I'm

Layla:

but I wanted it, I craved it so much as it like kind of an, I guess, you know, I hate, hate the juice. I hate this term, but I mean, there's people understand when I say it, like, especially as like an alpha female, like I, you know, as someone who was out there, you know, really just being aggressive in the, in the business world. And so to be able to shed all that and trust the person and really get into my feminine. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off

Leah:

Yeah.

Layla:

and.

Willow:

it translate into your, your business and your, you know, your outer world, like the other sectors in your life? When you really surrendered.

Layla:

But I, I just, I'm just, I'm just softer. I'm just softer all around. And which I really like, you know, I mean that, like that, I feel when I'm in my feminine and I'm just able to actually trust that that is powerful enough that, and there's a lot of power in that and, and understanding how to. Ride that wave instead of trying to come up 10 notches to be, you know, kind of like as a man, you know, which isn't, it's not, it doesn't feel right over time, you know, and so, so just, I just feel like, honestly, overall, I feel like I'm a nicer person.

Leah:

Uh huh. Yeah, I really like what you're saying because I think we've been given only one set of rules, especially in the business world on how to compete and be effective, which actually goes against a part of our nature. And I'm speaking more to vulva owners who identify more into that feminine side of things. Essence that's running in their system. We tend to put that aside because we're given a playbook that says, this is how the world works and this is how you compete in the marketplace and it's, it's a book that's filled with the masculine essence and so it ends up really kind of stressing our bodies out and we become more sharp and, um, and yeah, we lose some of that softness and I think when we return to that, when there's a reclamation of the feminine, that so wants to dance out loud in our life. When we, when we bring that to business, we're rewriting a whole nother playbook. And I think it's something that women, um, are, are hungry to do. They just don't know how to do it yet. And so I love that through BDSM, some of that is trans, translating right to these different sectors. I think it's almost like, how can it not? You know, to, to be a businesswoman operating from the feminine is a very unique, I think, and rare treasure that I wish, you know, someone needs somebody out there. It's time for that book to be written. It's time for that seminar to be

Layla:

Well, well, there are a couple of businesswomen that really kind of follow that model. Um, and I, I'm not thinking, getting their names off the top of my head, but the gal that started Bumble and also, um, the gal that started, started Spanx, Sarah

Leah:

Oh, Sarah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's

Layla:

so. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I still, you know, very much love business. You know, I just kind of, now I look at, you know, I, my mentors are now I'm looking for the females that, you know, have, that have done it and they've done it their way and in their feminine way and they're killing it, you know? And so, uh, there's, like you said, there's just power in both. And I think it's the, it's just. One version of the opposite coin, you know, it's like on the other side, it's the same thing. It's just, that's why we call it a power dynamic, you know,

Leah:

it's, it's also not to give one up for the other. It's not really a this or that or an either or it's an and, and I think it doesn't matter what gender your body, you know, comes from. It's really about having the wherewithal and the curiosity and the desire, and then the action steps to play out fully. Both the masculine essence and the feminine essence and the things that are in between and be versatile with both and know what essence inside of yourself is being called on in any given activity, whether that is sex or taking care of your home or raising your kids or killing it at work or, you know, playing music, like whatever it is that is gonna activate your genius that's the essence you want to draw from.

Layla:

yeah. And so, and then just to be able to take that armor, you know, that, Some of that armor off and especially in the bedroom.

Leah:

Yeah.

Layla:

Oh my God.

Willow:

It's the best. So, how did, how, okay, so it's been eight years running, so take us through the timeline. Like, year one, what shifted and changed inside of you? Year two, like, how did, how did, and, and also especially, like, doing this podcast and sharing it publicly, but staying anonymous, like, how has the transformation shifted you year after year after year? Like, what Who were you when you started versus who are you now and what's been the step by step?

Leah:

And just to kind of complicate the series of those questions all at once, um, I also like want to know, did you start the podcast as you went on this adventure? Like, which came first, podcast or adventure? And then they

Willow:

Same time they

Leah:

like. Oh, they did? You did it intentionally, the podcast, with the adventure?

Willow:

Yeah.

Layla:

well, the, the podcast came a little bit after the adventure started. What? So here, so what I started doing was blogging initially about my, about my, um, Actual escapade, escapades, you know, sexcapades I call them. Um, and then I was podcasting just about, you know, I, there were times where I would just, sometimes I would release. Three episodes a a lot to and then I would just be like, release, publish, no editing at all, no intro, no outro. I mean, this was, it was the wild, wild west. And so I just put that stuff out there and I didn't care because I was like, I just, it was almost like it was, it was me, it was for me. People caught on to it, but then I, and then I started to, you know, refine it more and more. But, um, yeah, I mean, I just, I just completely lost my train of thought. Right there. Where was,

Willow:

That's honest. That is some radical honesty right there. We just talked about radical honesty on Laila's podcast. So the question again was like who were you when you said How did you get started versus who are you now and what's, what changed each year? I mean, you don't have to give us an actual play by play of each year, but give us the synopsis.

Layla:

Well, I think when I started, I was somebody who really just kind of thought that I didn't feel things as deeply as other people because I kept drawing to me with my masculine energy, the wrong kind of guy. And I, I was confusing myself and it was really, it was actually, you know, it was really kind of sad because these were great guys, amazing guys. And I, but I just, something was missing and I knew something was off and you know, and you feel that and you just have to follow that. And I kind of started to believe. I guess I'm just going to be alone, you know, like I don't, maybe I'm weird, you know, maybe I, like I said, I don't, maybe I don't feel things as deeply as they do, or as other people do. And something's wrong with me. Uh, but I knew I was good at business. And so I just kept, you know, plugging ahead with that to the detriment of my personal life. It wrecked a lot of relationships. I wouldn't allow myself to get into a lot of relationships because I didn't have time. So kind of when I started, I would say I was, also very and, you know, in some ways very kind of self absorbed and this, you know, like year one, year one was just kicking the door, you know, off its hinges and just going for it. I mean, I, the one thing about me is I, I will jump into the deep end and learn how to swim on my way. You know, I just, I, I'm, I'm fearless that way. So. I made my sex bucket list and I just was like, okay, I started knocking it off. And I, and I started meeting people that wanted to kind of go on parts of that journey with me by certain items on that sex bucket list. And so I attracted some really great partners, amazing people.

Willow:

How were you finding them? Were you like going out to the bars or were you just talking to people on the subway or were you,

Leah:

I bet there's a lot of women who are listening going, Ooh, I want some of that. How did she do this?

Willow:

were you on the, were you on Bumble? yeah, Like how did you go about

Layla:

Yeah. I was On the hookup apps.

Willow:

the apps.

Leah:

and what was like some of like the most outrageous, most daring, um, kind of taboo thing you were, you know, a handful of items on your list. Yeah, that might have us all go, Oh, right.

Layla:

I don't know if you would think they were like taboo or daring. I just okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so, um, I'd never had a threesome.

Willow:

Oh, super daring for many, many, many.

Layla:

that's yeah, I'd never had a threesome. I wanted to have an interracial experience. I wanted to explore BDSM. I wanted to go to a sex party. Um, what else

Willow:

Anything with same sex? Other women?

Layla:

And the threesome I did. Yeah. So that was, yeah, I wanted, I wanted to see, you know, what that's all about. And by the way, I totally get why men love boobs.

Willow:

I know, they're great. Everybody loves boobs. They're amazing.

Layla:

They're so relaxing to play with. It's comforting.

Willow:

It just shifts the whole nervous system.

Layla:

Is that, it does. Is that not true? Like that was the first thing I did. I was like, The first time I was with a woman, I was just like, can I touch you? You know? And I just went, and I just, I thought her breasts were so beautiful, you know? And I've, I've never really, you know, I don't say, I don't describe myself as bisexual cause I know that I'm not. but I love, but women are sexy. You know? And just having those, I was in a throuple for a while And

Willow:

How long did you thruple?

Layla:

throupled for about six months. Yeah, it was, that was, and I love them. I mean, amazing people, great experience. The only bummer is that they, you know, they really wanted it to be a monogamous ripple and, and I just, I'm

Willow:

You still wanted to play?

Layla:

I still

Willow:

Are they still together?

Layla:

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I called them, I named them Jack and Jill.

Leah:

know, I think what's kind of unique that for people who, for vulva owners who have never been with another vulva owner, what a unique thing that happens, I wonder if this was true for you, it sounds like it was, Layla, where it's like you really realize, like, oh, that's why everyone's after it. You know, it's like, oh, like, I didn't know that I was that beautiful too. Like, there's something about touching another yoni, you're like, Oh, this is so lovely, no wonder everyone wants it, you know, it's like, it starts to make sense at a level that it never made sense until you get a chance to touch, you have the privilege to touch another body that is the same gender and it all, all the things start to click into place.

Layla:

Yes. Or just even, I mean, this sounds kind of strange, but what I loved so much, so much about them was, you know, she loved watching him with another woman. And I love, it was, when there's three people there at the, that, to experience that three people energy in a, in a sexual act is so different than, you know, than just two people.

Willow:

Oh, yeah,

Layla:

and

Willow:

more dynamic.

Layla:

it is so much, it's so interesting and

Leah:

it's, a lot with another person. Just wait till you add in a third or a fourth or a fifth. It's like, you're going to blow the roof off. Oh,

Layla:

like watching, even just, I loved watching them together, but she loved watching us together and, and how, you know, how he was with me. And it just kind of filled a lot of buckets, you know, like, and, and it was very, and then there were parts that were super spicy, like she liked, you know, she liked, uh, she liked me to kind of dominate her and, right. And so. Hey,

Willow:

you stepped into your dom, your inner dom got to

Layla:

I do. I have one and, and, um, it's very fun. And just, but like, I love like growling in her ear, you know, as he's behind me having sex with me, you know, and telling her how good it feels. And do you like watching this? And, you know, I've got her tied to a chair, you know, and she can't do anything.

Willow:

Oh my god Yum, yum, yum.

Layla:

yeah,

Leah:

sweet. What have you, did you have an experience that you felt like you were in over your head? Mm

Layla:

Uh, not over my head, but I, I only can think of one time where I, Uh, was in a situation where I was just like, Well, actually there's two times. No, this is there's two. Yes, there's two times. I did an episode. This was in year one this was a huge wake up call Where I had met someone and I had a pretty good process for qualifying people before I would even go and meet them for coffee or whatever to see you know, see if we have chemistry and if we want to, uh, you know, have a, start planning some dates after that. Yeah. So, uh, but I, but one time I didn't, I bypassed that initial meetup and I went and met this guy in a hotel room. And I, I, even as I tell this, I'm like, God, this just, you just, this just sounds so off, like stupid. Like, why would you even do that? So I went and met him in the hotel room, and you know, he opens the door, pulls me in really fast, the door closes, I'm looking at him, it's, it's him, but he's a lot, looks a lot different than his pictures, and you know, and I was like, and then he's on me, and he starts kissing me, and I don't even have a minute to,

Willow:

You have never met him before Just

Layla:

no, just talking on the phone, talking on the phone yeah, we met online, and then we chatted on the phone several times, and,

Willow:

chatting, texting or talking?

Layla:

talking? I always have to hear their voice. No, that's it. I have to hear their voice. But yeah, before I'll go and meet them for coffee, even, you know, I want to.

Willow:

Good prerequisite. Yeah.

Layla:

Yes. yeah. So yeah. So I know. I mean, that's what they're in my funnel. That's what I

Willow:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Layla:

my funnel. I was just throwing guys in the funnel. I mean, I'm not kidding. I was like, you know, boom, boom, boom. Um, so I, anyway, so, so that was just You know,

Leah:

Too aggressive, too fast in that first meeting point. Is that how that felt?

Willow:

Too much

Layla:

and yeah, and, and I had that moment where I was like, I wanted to say something and I didn't. And, and so I, after that experience, I was like, you know what I will never do that again. I, I podcasted about it so that it would be like, put that in, put that out there to be a kind of warning or a, you know, for, for other people just like, Hey, you know, Due diligence. be safe and, and don't kind of, don't do what I just did, you know, like, which I'm now regretting. Um, so there was that time. And then when was another time where I, Oh, uh, it was when I was supposed to have a, a male, female, male threesome. And I was a guy that I had been seeing and he's like, Hey, my friends, you know, here, I think we can make your fantasy, you know, your, your scratch that off your bucket list. I'm like, great. That'll be so much fun. And, um, it just, it, the minute I got, same thing again, the minute I got through the door, his friend kind of was, trying to, like, get it on already, you woah, woah, woah! Um, would you like to know what my name is? You know, like, what's your name? You know, like, it was weird. So, um, I just had to, um I had to, I bowed out of that one, you know, and I, so I still, to this day, unfortunately, as long as I've been doing this, I still have not had a male, female, male threesome, which I really want.

Willow:

Mmm.

Layla:

happened. No, that one didn't go through. I've never, and I haven't done it since. You know, you think that would be easy to pull off?

Willow:

You really would. That's a big fantasy of mine too, and I have had it, even recently I had it, however, not to the degree that I have fantasized about, yes.

Layla:

Yeah. Well, so, It has been so hard for me to put that together. I do not know why, because every time I have a guy and they're like, yeah, yeah, I'm up for that. Then, you know, then they change their minds, you know, and

Willow:

Yeah, I mean, it is a rare man who will be with another man. Like, yeah, you know, even if it's all about the woman, like, it's, it's an unusual man who is in his, comfortable with that at all. You know, I don't want to say like in his masculine enough to be comfortable with that, because that's not necessarily true. But yeah.

Leah:

Yeah, well, depending on what the sexual acts are is really, I think, is if you're, if there's something where their dicks might rub up against each other, then you're gonna have fewer guys up for the, up for the game. But it is really cool when there are guys who are relaxed about that and don't feel threatened about their sexuality because, especially if you want to explore double penetration, you know, like,

Layla:

cuz DP

Leah:

Yes. In fact, it's a, it's one of the probably best kept secrets out there. How many women do fantasize about double penetration and it's something that we don't talk about very often. In fact, it's probably the first time it's been brought up on our show. But it's something that I, I mean, I read a lot of erotica and some of my favorite scenes and some of my favorite books are all about the the two on one, the three on one. And it's always two to three guys on one girl. And, and if, and if erotica doesn't have anal sex, I'm very disappointed. Like, I'm like, excuse me, you left something out. Um, put it back in there. And. And even though sometimes, like, I think for me, part of the reason why I, I'm very much implugged into that is because of how much fear I've had about actual anal sex with my body. And also the times that I've been relaxed enough to enjoy it, they've been my biggest sexual experiences. Like, the most profound cosmic pleasure when I can relax enough to go that deep and when you are that full with double penetration, even if it's just with a dildo and a, and a partner, it's, it is a physical experience that you have to kind of prepare yourself for. It's a journey, you know? And so when I when I think about women in porn, right, who are like getting gang banged and stuff, I'm like, there's a part of me that's like, man, that sister is really going for it. Like that's a lot of it. Hey! Someone should be and they're being sometimes they're being so mean to her, like, writing pig on her face and doing terrible things. No, there should be none of this humiliation on the gangbangs. I mean, they're she should be surrounded by flower petals and champagne, and I have this whole romantic idea of how they should change the gangbangs in porn. Um, but I digress. That was a little bit of a tangent on, uh, how I feel about these things, but

Willow:

Okay, so so you've yet to experience that. You're in, a relationship now, is that correct? In something?

Layla:

I'm in, I'm, I'm in a couple. I'm ethically non monogamous. Yeah.

Willow:

So maybe there's a possibility in what you're in, now.

Layla:

I have a, well, I'm in a, I have a dominant and I have a I also have a submissive and um, and then I have, uh, another just long term partner. Uh, so.

Leah:

And so you play separately with all of them or do some of you play together?

Layla:

we never play together? but we it's yeah, it's separate. separate. Um, I would love, I mean, I would love to have that, but I just, so it's weird because nobody nobody is open to that.

Leah:

Oh really? Isn't that interesting? Huh.

Willow:

have to bring in another then. You'd have to find another who would be open or maybe just totally, Yeah, are you

Leah:

Are you taking applications? yeah,

Layla:

We'll hold that, wait, I know, well, one, well, I should, let me, let me, I should correct myself. One of them is totally, like, you know, he's into the hot wifing kind of stuff. So he would love to be there and watch, you know, watch another guy have, you know, just.

Leah:

Uh

Layla:

And, and then of course, I've got a guy that could do that pretty well, my dominant, but He just, it's like, I, if there's another guy in the room, my Dick's not even getting it hard. You know what I mean? He just, he's just like, you know, And He's and he's not, yeah. And he's not homophobic. He's just like, It's just

Leah:

It just doesn't work.

Layla:

Yeah.

Leah:

it's like, the chemistry doesn't jive.

Layla:

yeah, and so I can't do it with him and then the, you know, and with my submissive, I could, um, but there's a, we also have a, a distance, the, one of the guys is in California and one of them's, you know, here with me in Florida. So

Leah:

Logistics.

Layla:

yeah, logistics, all kinds of things, but yeah, maybe one of these

Willow:

One of these days. Still on the bucket list then. Okay, is there anything else that's still on the bucket list from eight years ago?

Layla:

female, male.

Willow:

Okay,

Layla:

Yeah, I still haven't been able to knock that one off. And a lot of this, you know, a lot of the bucket list stuff, it's interesting because, you know, You, if you, if you're open to it and you put yourself in different scenarios, a lot of times, maybe the thing that you thought was really going to get you hot and that you were originally drawn to, um, was not the thing that you ended up, that ended up blowing your mind. It's something completely different. And you wouldn't have known that if you wouldn't have put yourself in that experience. Yeah.

Willow:

I'm getting so inspired by your journey, Layla. I'm like, maybe I need to do this for the next year or something, you know, may as well at this point. And, um, I never thought about like putting together a bucket list before. I mean, I have definitely ideas and fantasies and things on my agenda, things that I'd like to explore, but I always sort of just thought, well, they'll just come to me organically when the time is right. But I like your kind of get up and go get it attitude. It's, um, it is a more masculine way of going about things, but it has served you and it has brought forth this, this level of femininity in you, which I think is such a cool part of your journey. How many of your listeners have followed suit with, you know, have been inspired by what you've been doing and they're like, um, now I'm going to go do it.

Layla:

A lot. And it's really so rewarding because that's the, that was the other thing I kind of didn't anticipate was just that. Actually, what I was just sharing, what I was going through and, you know, cause I'll also talk about everything that stirs up in me, the emotions and, you know, I mean, it's, it's a lot about the sex, but it's about everything that falls under that umbrella. And I, when I get, you know, voicemails and emails from people and they say, you know, you've changed my, you've saved my sex life, or you've changed, you know, I I've done a complete about phase and my sex life is, you know, You know, better than it's ever been. And I'm so much happier, you know, and I'm just like, wow. I mean, that's the best reward right there. Just knowing that other people read this resonates with them and that they get, you know, they get some, they get some value out of it. I mean, I love that. It's good for me, but it's even better Now, that, that, you know, it benefits others.

Willow:

Mm

Leah:

Now, are you a coach? Do you help people with their sexuality or is this just a passion project of yours?

Layla:

No, it's a passion project. yeah. it's just a, yeah, it's just a passion project. Um, I, like I said, I just love putting it out there. I love sharing my stories and, you know, all the ups and downs, all the different, you know, going to sex clubs and just. Even I will find the most, the smallest little detail to kind of, zero in and really talk about. And it, it's just kind of, you know, with each episode and things like that. and it, sometimes they're, it's, they're very broad and sometimes like, they're very just like,

Willow:

specific

Layla:

specific about, you know, how my pussy felt when I was masturbating, you know, and just like, and discovering even just really even rediscovering my own body. And that's been amazing. And just the different ways that I can have orgasms that I didn't, wasn't plugging into before,

Leah:

like what? What

Layla:

know?

Leah:

of the new orgasms you discovered?

Layla:

Well, so now I'm having a lot of G spot orgasms. Um, I always just thought, Oh, you know, I just, cause when I was younger, you know, I just kind of learned with, with my clit and, um, and then at one point, uh, you know, this was, somewhere in between all this, before I started the podcast, I did discover that I could have a g spot orgasm. Thank you, Cosmo magazine. Um,

Willow:

where you learn, Cosmo? Well, that's great.

Layla:

Yes, swear to God. No, I, I read the, I read the article and I took a dildo and I'm like, I'm not coming out of this room Until I figure this out.

Willow:

I got this one dialed in.

Layla:

And I and it took a while,

Willow:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Was it, did you notice, did you experience painfulness or numbness at first?

Layla:

No, I mean, I'm just blindly feeling around in there, you know, like, how's that, or is that what, you know, and then, and then I, then I found something I'm like, oh, hey, wait a minute. I think that kind of feels good. I put more pressure there. And I'm like, oh, that feels really kind of good. Okay. And so I just, and I had to stop thinking about, like, that it was about the end point, the orgasm, you know, so I could really just, I had to, you know, into Relax. I had to really relax into it. And then once I did, yeah, then I had one. I was like, Oh, whoa. Okay. nice. Do, do you remember the first time you female ejaculated Amita? Yes.

Willow:

us that story.

Layla:

yes. That was my first time with my dominant, who I call his name is, uh, you know, I call him Cowboy N. Everybody gets a nickname. You know, if you're a lot of my, a lot of my partners have been on the show, done episodes with me, you know, it's, yeah, it's very Fun. Um, so. That was one of the things that was on my bucket list year one. I was just like, you know, um, I really want to learn how to squirt and I want someone to, he's like, oh, yeah, I can do that. And I, I remember going, thank you, Mr. Yeah. I was just like, oh, come on. You know, I thought, really? You think you know my body better than me, but you know, that's what I was thinking in my head, right? But so he did it the first time we were together the very first time.

Leah:

Mm-hmm

Layla:

just like,

Leah:

Oh my

Layla:

and there was not a dry spot on the bed actually. And I literally, you know, when we were, when it was all said and done, I mean, this guy, I'm not kidding. The first time we were together, rock my world. Like he's an excellent lover. He just rocked my world. And was so Kind of shaken that, you know, he's like, oh, yeah, you can stay the night and I was like No, no, I mean, my legs were still shaking as I was trying to pull my pants up and get out of there, because I was like, I needed, to process,

Willow:

Yeah. Yeah.

Layla:

no, no joke, I had to, I really wanted to, I had to think about what happened, you know, and like, the whole, the whole drive home, it was like, had my hands on the steering wheel, it was like 10 and 2, you know, and I'm just like, What just happened? What was that? Yeah, my life has just changed.

Leah:

Yeah. That's

Willow:

story.

Leah:

a, yeah, I love

Willow:

What if, what about your, um, like your connection to higher consciousness and spirituality? How did that shift And change?

Layla:

yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would say the biggest, one of the biggest shifts for me was my just true fascination, love, and curiosity for, since I'm attracted to men, you know, men. Just, I really wanted to learn about them and understand more about how the, the, you know, I guess their feminine side, how sexuality affects them. And it was, I'm embarrassed to say this, but it was kind of a shock to me to realize, oh, men need this too. They need that connection just as much as we do.

Leah:

Totally.

Willow:

It's a human need. It's just like we need shelter. We need to nourish ourselves with food. We need to drink water and we need sex. we need it.

Leah:

Well, I have to say I feel like my first Tantra weekend renewed my faith in the opposite sex because I had a belief system, but it was not a great belief system in terms of who I thought men were. And I was so glad to have that be rattled because I got to see also, That men wanted to get love right just as much as I did. That they wanted intimacy and connection and great sex and to be loved and to be seen and to be seen for who they really are. Not whatever this idea of what I was told, you know, men do. And, and, um, so I was actually going to ask you like what beliefs changed for you on this journey?

Layla:

Mostly about, you know, just, well, about how important sex is. That it's not something I'm just going to experiment with and then put away.

Leah:

Uh huh.

Layla:

That, you know, it, this is, this is a part of a vital part of who I am and I need to continue to keep exploring it. And there is no shortage of fun things to do. When you start, one door will open 10 more. When you start exploring, like with a bucket list, like I did. One thing leads to 10 more things. Guaranteed every time. And you'll have new things you want to explore, or just a certain element or aspect about it. It's like, Ooh, that was really good. I need more of that. Or I need to go revisit that. Um, just my, you know, my spontaneity, my affection. And, and I think the other thing, you know, the question you asked previously too, is when I, when I, one of the things that really shocked me, I think it was the first time I felt. Uh, uh, my partner really needing physical touch and how just amazing it was for them, for me to recognize that and give them, you know, that much attention and pleasure and let it be about them, you know, and just because they were really, really needing it. And I felt, I felt, I just honestly felt blessed to be the one to be able to do it. You know, and it was kind of like, and you're really there with them and it's pretty and It bonds. I mean, it's just amazing. It's like

Leah:

it touches you. It touches

Layla:

It does.

Leah:

It's very deep.

Willow:

So beautiful. yeah.

Leah:

Any tears in any of your experience? Yeah,

Willow:

Yeah, I was gonna say, What kind of heartbreak on the way? What kind of

Leah:

or just like, or being so touched that you could, you were moved so deep that you couldn't help but sob? Like, have you had any of those kind of emotional, cathartic releases?

Layla:

No, not during, not actually during sex, but there's definitely been, um, there's definitely been this amazing journey between Cowboy N and I, you know, and we've been together and then, you know, we've parted ways for a little bit, but we like can never, you know, Like put it down. And so there's the, you know, it's funny because throughout this timespan, you know, there's been this kind of, I mean, love story between the two of us that's, that's been ongoing sprinkled throughout and, and just, like I said, I don't, it's just really for me for the first time, actually bonding that closely to another human being. It's so, I mean, I don't even know if I have words for it. It's just kind of like, it just.

Leah:

Yeah,

Willow:

Phenomenal.

Leah:

rich.

Layla:

it feels like I've discovered what life is

Willow:

Yeah, That's good. That's a good

Layla:

You know, I mean, it really does. you know, while it's, I'm leading the charge with the sex, I've learned so much about myself overall. And it's been, it's been the best, it's been the greatest teacher of my life.

Leah:

ding, ding, ding,

Willow:

Aw, that's so cool.

Leah:

I have a kind of a final question for you, and that is like, I think Well, I think DS relationships are so mysterious, right? It's like there's for there can be so many shapes because it's always the people make up their own rules, right? That's what makes them unique and fun and interesting. So can you explain a little bit about your DS dynamic with cowboy n?

Layla:

Yeah. Yeah. um, I am a collared sub. Um, and so I, so the one thing, one of the rules that we

Willow:

collared what?

Leah:

huh. A collared submissive.

Willow:

Collared. Okay, gotcha.

Leah:

you want to explain what that is.

Willow:

Yeah. Explain what that is.

Layla:

a very, very generic way, it's kind of like being married in a way, you know, it's like you, you two are bonded to each other, um, are, you know, and it may, it'll mean different things to different people, but to us, it's that, you know, I don't play with other dominants, You know, it, that, or, and he doesn't play with other submissives. I belong to him and he belongs to me in that capacity. You know, we, we both have other partners, but, um.

Leah:

No one doms you but

Layla:

him. We don't that's that's his lane and you know, I have my lane and so we don't you know Yeah, so we don't we don't violate that Yeah, which is very nice I like I like it that way

Leah:

And so what other, what else, you know, for people who don't know what a DS relationship is, or like, all the variety, like, what other things that, Really make your relationship with Cowboy N a DS relationship. Like, how is it unique from like regular relationships in terms of how you play out

Layla:

yeah,

Leah:

dominant and the submissive roles?

Layla:

yeah Well, mostly so the bedroom stuff was probably you know, kind of obvious, right? So He he leads and I follow. Uh, you know, I mean, I'm always, I'm always right there trying to suggest, you know, like tonight I'd really like this, you know, but it's, his thing, you know, the thing about having a really good dominant is they're tuned into what you need, not necessarily what you want. And I, I love that because I like the discipline. You know, I like the rules. I like knowing that, that I can't ride rough shot on you. You will, this guy's going to check me. That to me is hot. And it, and so outside of the bedroom, it also lets me, you know, trust that someone has my back, has my best interests at heart, and so when he'll say like, Hey, this is not a neighborhood you need to go running through, you know, and I, you know, and sometimes I'm like, what? He's men are different about reading danger than we are. They really, really are. And the more that I've trusted in him and, and allowed him and taken, you know, just allowed him to tell me. You know, don't do this or don't do that. And it's not because he's trying to be bossy. It's because he actually, there's a good reason. Every single, this is no joke, ladies. Every single time that he's said, don't do it. Or if we're someplace and he's like, we need to go. And I'm always like, what, what do you mean we gotta go? Wait, what's going on? Every single time something happened, something dangerous. I'm talking like a Shooting? or a big fight, or, I mean, like. Yes, mm hmm,

Willow:

Dammit. Shooting? Dang. Crazy. Whoa. That's wild. He's got some serious intuition. Go cowboy N.

Layla:

He's a Marine. yeah, He's a Marine. but also, but also guys have, you know, I mean, naturally, they just, they do have a, you know, they're looking, you know, he's looking out for me. He's always looking out for me, which even when I, and, and in the beginning I had a, I was a little bit like, well, I don't need anybody to blah, blah, blah. And

Willow:

Yeah,

Layla:

oh, thank God he's looking out for me.

Willow:

right. It's nice. It's so nice. to be held by the masculine when you can really trust them. And so this, this trusting relationship that you've developed over the years, um, like what, what have been some of the hurdles and really dropping into being able to surrender and trust?

Layla:

probably some of the, the process to get to that is, for me, has been probably some of the Most we were talking as we talked about when we recorded my podcast, sometimes that friction, that friction, and then which sometimes can lead to, you know, arguments, right? And I'm, and

Willow:

hmm.

Layla:

I can just unload, you know, and I've, but you do that enough. And then that person's, they're still there and you're working through it. And then you're doing good. You're good. Then you do that. You know, then, then you, you know, something triggers me and then boom, I do it again, you know, I do something and explode and then he, and then he's still there, like, he'll stay there with me and go, go at it toe to toe. Not in, you know, not in a disrespectful way, but, and then he's still there after the fact, you know, and it's like, my. So my trust for him, you know, and then all that anxiety starts coming down and the trust starts coming up, you know, and it's just, it's so much better where I just know like he does this, this, and this, and I do this, this, and this. And these are, we have, we really have kind of gotten established into our roles and it's so nice, but

Willow:

think that's one of the really valuable things about subdom relationships is you know where you stand. You know, I was, I was traveling in Peru once for many months, and I was like, wow, we're just really noticing. And then, you know, just coming from California, you know, none of that is happening. And so, it creates a lot, it can create a lot of confusion, um, between two, you know, heterosexual, um, cisgendered people.

Layla:

Yeah.

Leah:

Well, yeah, I do think that that's why, like, playing with some archetypical roles like this allows you to explore this on a really deep level, and also, like, on a conscious level. It's like, okay, well, here's the expectation of a submissive, here's the expectation of And then here's the range which two individuals like to play. With those archetypes and those levels, right? It's like some submissives can go, it can be very light to like slave orientation, you know, where you are in total service And there are consequences to misbehaving, you know, and so there's lots of games.

Layla:

And some people love that. Yeah, so there's a there's a wide, there's a wide range of, you know, when people think of BDSM, they they think it's kind of a narrow thing. It's, it's very

Willow:

Amazing.

Leah:

Yeah. It's so cool like that. Yeah. Well, thank you much, Layla London,

Layla:

inspiring

Leah:

all of us on this adventure of yours.

Willow:

So much fun. So great to have you on the show. Yes. Love it.

Layla:

Yes. Well, I, I'm happy to inspire everybody. They can just go to my, uh, they can find my show. Well, they can go to the website, but they can also, which is the www.curiousgirldiaries.com. But you can find my podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts, so just look for the Curious Girl Diaries.

Willow:

Nice. Thank you so much.

Layla:

Thank you.

Leah:

All right, y'all. Thank you so much for tuning in. But don't go away. Next up is Dr. Willow and Leah and time to dish it out. So stay tuned.

Announcer:

Now, our favorite part, the dish.

Willow:

Well, I thought that was a super fun episode. I mean, I was inspired. It was different. I love what she's doing. I think, like, what a great idea. I mean, and to remain anonymous all along. So sexy and mysterious.

Leah:

yes, yeah, I think, I think what an interesting story. Wow. I'm, I mean, I'm, there's a part of me that's a little speechless. It's like,

Willow:

I

Leah:

a lot of guts to not only go, you know what? I've been celibate for three years. I'm ready to get my fix and this is going to be so interesting. I'm going to do things I never thought I would do before. And oh, by the way, I'm going to do a podcast during COVID,

Willow:

Yeah, I'm gonna let everyone know about it.

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

especially as like, just as a passion project, you know, like not as a coach or as a therapist or as this isn't her work in the world at

Leah:

strategy.

Willow:

just, just as a passion project. I mean, God admire her for that. You, we know how much goes into these podcasts. So you, especially Leah.

Leah:

Yeah,

Willow:

And so, you know, it's just, um, amazing that she's, that she's gone on for eight years, it's a testament to the, to the podcast itself. So if you haven't checked her podcast out yet, please do. It's, what is it? The Curious Girl Diaries Podcast.

Leah:

Yeah. I mean, I think in a lot of ways, there's a lot less pressure when you're not using the platform for any other reason

Willow:

Oh, heck

Leah:

curious, right? It's like, you're not worrying about SEO and how many people are seeing your content and is the content driving you and your listeners in a certain direction? You know,

Willow:

Yeah,

Leah:

and, and then you're anonymous. So, you know, you're not worried about video, having a video representation. Um, you know.

Willow:

in a lot of ways. Yeah, and I just thought

Leah:

of our listeners will tune into this one. Yeah,

Willow:

sure they will. I, um, I just also really appreciated the way she, um, was just very grounded and centered down to earth. Like, just like, this is what I'm doing and I'm gonna do it. And, you know, she's done a good job with it and, um, really shown people, you know, I think I asked her that question at the very end. Have a lot of your listeners followed suit? Have they been inspired to do, um, And she's like, so many of them have, and I think, you know, the best, best experience with sexuality is to experience it. So to go out there and have new experiences and um, you know, if you're, if you're available to write down a bucket list of things you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten to yet. And then you're brave enough to go out there and like find people that you feel comfortable and safe doing that with and god bless right into us and let us know how it goes because i love the journey i got inspired i'm like okay maybe when i have some free time i'll start doing my bucket list

Leah:

totally. I think it's a, I think that's a really fun idea it's just to write things that you would love to explore or try or You know at least share with someone else and what I mean by that is like you have a fantasy Um, it might not be something you want to live out totally, like it could be a little like risky or something, but to still have the courage to tell someone else about it so that you're sharing in that, I think it's really neat. It was really fun being on her show.

Willow:

yeah

Leah:

some of her questions, I think my answer surprised her. Um, because I'm like, no to, no to radical honesty, and I think that's probably something that really works for her. Um, and. You know, the other thing I'm struck by, especially lately, is A, her staying anonymous, right, and there was a moment in the interview where we were asking a personal question, we actually cut that out of the interview at her request, and so it's like, it's one thing, it's like, here, I'm, I have this part of my life that I really want to live out, but I'm still protecting Anyone knowing who I am, and I've been doing this, um, like 30 day challenge with a friend of ours online, and she's been kind of wanting to censor me, right, because she's got a pretty straight audience, and, um, she's really using this one friend who's a crazy Christian, um, and she's got a pretty straight And I don't have any problem with crazy Christians until they try to censor me. And then I kind of want to push back, like it's a little triggering. And so like navigating where sexuality becomes very problematic in public spaces. We're talking about and normalizing sort of this type of conversation, which I think we so need in our culture. But I'm really aware, not only by Layla's example, of choosing anonymity, probably to protect her friends, family, community. Who knows? Who knows what she's protecting herself, certainly. Like, I can respect that, and then even with my friend who's really wanting to be mindful of her audience, I can totally respect that, but I'm kind of disappointed. Like, there's another point of view that I have that's like, I get it, and

Willow:

Yeah, you want to push

Leah:

keeping us in the shadows. This is keeping us from becoming normalized. We've got to be braver than this. You know, and, and this one friend is like, her daughter's 17, and she doesn't want to hear anything about orgasms, because God forbid her daughter found out at 17 years old about orgasms? Like, really? I don't

Willow:

should be learning about that now, for sure. She already knows about it, guaranteed. Mm.

Leah:

situation, not Layla, um, I noticed that it, Triggers me and it triggers me wanting to be judgmental. And I really try not to be judgmental. Like I, I hate being the judge or the judges, other people who judge. Yeah. It's like, I'm like going, okay, exactly. Drop into curiosity and you got to do you and you got to do the things that are right. And I honestly, now that I'm dropping into curiosity can really actually understand if I think about it from a loving place, how overexposing people to your sexual point of view. Isn't always the most loving thing if it's going to give them uncomfortable sensations and, and puts them on a spot of, of having conversations that they're not ready to have or don't want to have. I was just interviewed on, um, on, on a podcast, um, oh, Deconstructing You was the name of it. Um, was the one that you had to miss on Tuesday and she was really interesting because we're talking about sexuality and she goes, I was that girl at that party that would have left the party hearing you talk about what you

Willow:

Mm.

Leah:

She goes, but 20 years later, like I need this in a way that I've never needed anything else in my life. Like I'm ready, but I was so conservative and so uncomfortable. I would just leave a party if it turned to that. Like I would just say inappropriate behavior.

Willow:

Right, right.

Leah:

I was like, wow, that's a really interesting perspective.

Willow:

Yeah, that's why I have to read who you're with, read their audience, and read their energy, you know, and what's going on in their body. Do you see them pulling back, like, leaning away? Do you see them recoiling? Do you see them, like, shifting their eyes around and getting uncomfortable in their skin when you start talking about it? Then, probably time to pull it back a little bit, but if it's like, wow, if they're leaning in, their eyes are open, they're engaged, then yeah, they need that. They want that conversation, so I

Leah:

yeah. Like you're ready when you're ready and that's all there is to it. And it's really okay that this is such a private part of people's lives and that should really be respected. So thanks, I needed to talk that out. I feel a lot better and, um, yeah, everybody who gets squeamish or this is very private, I respect you for that. Or if your religious beliefs, you know, are, don't coincide with my open-minded beliefs, um, or my close-minded

Willow:

Or if you have an anonymous, or if you have an anonymous podcast, like Miss Leila London.

Leah:

yes, I, I,

Willow:

name, I gotta say.

Leah:

Layla London, absolutely. And I really just, she seems like a really fun, cool person. Like I would, I, if I lived in Florida, I would seek out to

Willow:

We would hang out with her. Yeah. Yeah.

Leah:

All right, y'all. Well, um, please let us know, like, what do you think about this anonymity? You know, is that something that you would choose over being public? Inquiring minds want to know. So

Willow:

Let us know.

Leah:

love.

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Dr. Willow Brown

Host
Head Shot

Leah Piper

Host
Head Shot

Layla London

Guest