The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Leah & Dr. Willow: Ready for Kink? (Part 1) - Fill Out This Form to Find Out | #102

• Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown • Season 2 • Episode 102

Share episode

Send us a text

Curious about BDSM but don't know where to start? In this first installment of a 2-part series, Sex Reimagined hosts Leah Piper & Dr. Willow Brown pull back the curtain on the kinky world of BDSM. Listen as Dr. Willow bravely fills out a real BDSM consent form, revealing her personal preferences, hard limits, & soft limits for a potential scene. Learn crucial safety tips for newcomers, & find out how these detailed consent forms can revolutionize your communication & deepen trust with partners. Whether you're a BDSM novice or just kink-curious, this episode is your passport to safer, more satisfying explorations!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

  • This isn't just about spicing up your sex life – it's about unlocking new levels of self-awareness, intimacy, & personal growth.
  • BDSM isn't just about whips & chains – it's a powerful tool for personal growth & healing.
  • Clear communication & consent are the cornerstones of great kink experiences.
  • From light spanking to intense psychological play, there's a flavor of kink for everyone.
  • Aftercare isn't optional – it's crucial for emotional wellbeing & deepening connections.

"BDSM is like adding sprinkles to your vanilla ice cream – it's all about finding your perfect topping!" - Leah

EPISODE LINKS 

THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20

LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.

THE MALE GSPOT & PROSTATE MASTERCLASS. This is for you if… You’ve heard of epic anal orgasms, & you wonder if it’s possible for you too. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon PODCAST20.

Support the show


SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website


Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast. I am Leah Piper, your Tantra expert.

Willow:

And I'm Dr. Willow Brown, your Taoist expert. And today we are going to be doing something very different. I'm going to get super vulnerable with you all. Leah's going to lead me through something and it's going to be very enlightening, I think.

Leah:

Yes, you know, one of the things we were just mentioning this on, um, one of our little bonus episodes celebrating our hundredth episode this month. Go check it out if you haven't yet. Um, and we had Dana. On the show, uh, she's episode 99 and we were talking about BDSM and we've had Om Rupani a number of times on the show now talking about BDSM and it's really inspired Willow and I to kind of get our toes wet in the kink world as we're sort of discovering well what's of value here in this world and, and, and why should we investigate it? So we've both been on a journey of going hmm

Willow:

Hmm. And what's been so fascinating is since I've been like awakened to it, just a little bit, I'm starting to see so many places where it's applicable with clientele, with friends, with, you know, couples that I'm supporting. I'm like, wow, these, these patterns and these things are, they're like an Eddie that you're stuck in, you know? And so it's really fascinating to just. So it's almost like when you have, you know, a car, a certain kind of car awareness, and then you see that car everywhere. It's like that.

Leah:

so true. Yeah, like it starts to be in the field and then it's popping up everywhere and I think, um, I think we have these corners in our psyche where we've got some deep, sort of desires, kinky parts and corners that were sort of embarrassed or unsure of how to express or explore. Other things is we've got some shadow stuff of like things that we're afraid of. But if we could transform it like we would be more free. Other things have just like being turned on by power dynamics and kind of breaking the rules and and for a lot of people exploring edges of sensation. Because you know in the brain the place that experiences pleasure also experiences pain. There's a relationship that can feed into one or the other. And so a lot of people find high, highly intense sensation leads to a certain amount of opening, release, and lots of actual ecstasy. So people are drawn to this realm for lots of different reasons. And what they want to explore and the level with which they want to explore it ranges, you know, everywhere. And one of the things I really liked about what Dana said is like this idea that we could probably describe the whole world as being vanilla. But some people like sprinkles on vanilla, other people like chocolate swirls or caramel sauce or bananas and peanuts, you know, like there's a way with which we all can enjoy vanilla ice cream by adding more toppings. And I feel like BDSM can kind of take us on that journey and then, you know, we can change up vanilla for strawberry

Willow:

I like that analogy. Yeah, like, what sprinkles do I want to put on it today? And it can be really based on, like, maybe just pleasure and desires and something different or naughty to explore. Just to bring in a different element to your Eros. But it can also be super healing. And it can, like, help you overcome places where you feel really stuck in your, um, in your erotic experience or in your sexuality or even in your relationships or even in your relationships in life like your relationship to money your relationship to your work places where you feel stuck you can really like use this um a full range of kink to To play with. So you become a little bit less identified with it. Like I am somebody who is defeated in business or financial or in relationships or love, right? Instead of identifying as I am that you get to like, get a little bit of Space from it, you get to pull back and you get to play with like, the archetype of that. Like what, what would it be like if I just like stepped into, you know, really playing that out and, um, I think it, it opens up something in our psyche. So, so one of the things that I think so, um, I think that's what's so fun about, um, subdom roles and, and BDSM world is there's really like a physical side to it, which some people love and some people hate. And then there's the psychological side to it, which some people love and some people it scares the shit out of, you know? And so I think that there's just healing and, and, and medicine in all of it for us because it allows us to become more. of the shadow sides of ourselves that we tend to try to stay away from.

Leah:

I, yeah, I think that's one thing that is maybe really surprising for people is just how much healing is possible through this art form. You know, for me, Tantra's always been, like, this amazing vehicle for sexual healing. I mean, just, it's one of the most transcendent art forms. It's a way of consciously looking at what are the forms that people can pursue from a therapeutic standpoint when they're wanting to really heal something about their sex, or heal something about, that's going on in their esteem that has them feeling shut down around sexuality. And I think BDSM has so, has all the potential to do exactly that for people. Um, it's a way of consciously looking at what What's hidden inside of you and bringing it to the light and then taking things that you maybe are like neurotic about, you know, like you mentioned issues like with money, you know, or being afraid of something in particular, you know, and then when you just go after it in a scene where there's structure, I think that's the other thing that people don't know about BDSM is that there's a beginning, a middle and an end.

Willow:

Yeah. So there's safety around it.

Leah:

Yeah, there's total safety. I mean, they're the ones that really brought consent to the sex game. Um, and our whole culture should really give that credit. You know, BDSM is like, has given a language so that people can tap out. Uncle, uncle, I'm in over my head. You know, or to communicate very simply that keeps you in your body. Hey, things are going great. Keep going. Or wow, like I got to stop, full stop. Um, because you are playing with different intensity edges. Uh, and, and because there's a beginning, middle, and end, you know that it's usually going to start off with some sort of grounding, a support. The Dom is taking care of the sub. It starts with having a conversation about what you want to happen in your scene. And then you have this scene which can have a lot of penetration. And when I say that, I don't just mean like penetration body parts, I mean penetration energetically of what the system experiences. If that's a flogging, Or if that's some begging or some crawling, like there are elements that I would refer to as like penetrative where it's like the action of the scene and then at the end is aftercare. Where you're being held, and you're being petted, and you're being really, um, celebrated, for whatever it is

Willow:

Whatever you went through.

Leah:

and that can look different. Some people, their aftercare looks like a conversation. Other people want to be held because, you know, they've just reached a lot of endorphins, and they need their body to, like, come down, and come down safely. You know, other people may want a phone call two days later. You know, I think aftercare can look a lot of different ways and, and we're not going to go, I mean, we could be talking for hours about this sort of idea of the scene, but what we thought we would share with you today is, um, one of the forms that I've been exposed to that you fill out in preparation of doing a BDSM scene, so that you, so that All practitioners who are involved in the scene understand what the limits are, understand what might want to be explored, understand what's off the table. So it gives, it's really doing two things. One is exploring what the consent is. The other thing is exploring, well, what the scene could possibly include. Um, I don't, I'm sure there's lots of different forms out there. Um, Om Rupani was the one that wrote this one. If I were to make my own, I would probably change some things on it, um, and someday I may do that, and we'll probably talk about it on the show. But for now, we thought we would take Willow through this process to just demonstrate to the rest of you, Huh, well, here's some of the things that might be on the menu if you ever wanted to create a scene. And, and what's interesting about this form is there might be an item on there, and then what Willow would do is on a scale of zero to five, she's going to circle, uh, and we'll talk about it, which ones. Um, like zero means I don't want it. One might mean I want to have a conversation about it, but it's not even in the scene. Five would be, Ooh, I really want it. I totally desire that in the scene. So shall we get started? My dear. Okay, great. One of the things that I think is important for us to sort of explore is like, depending on who your dom is in any given scene, might affect the answers that you choose, right? If it's somebody brand new and you don't know them, you might need to not have like the biggest impact scene you could imagine because you need to build trust with that person. So your scene may be a little way different than someone who you've been working with for a year. It might be different if it's someone of a different gender. It might be different if you're going into it for therapeutic reasons, or you're doing it for orgasmic reasons. It might be different because of the mood or your cycle. Um, so every scene is different, which means every form and its answers are going to be different. And I might add that, um, there's also a form for a dom. So when practitioners, like if you're meeting at, let's say, a dungeon or at a workshop or, um, you've got people who might be working with each other for the first time, there's a dom form and a sub form so that the dom can communicate, Here's what's on the table for me. Here's what's not on the table for me. And then you can kind of, um, take a look at those and see what you get to create. We're not going to do the dom form today. We're just going to focus on the

Willow:

we're going to do this subform and so with, um, with this like preliminary to set up a BDSM scene, uh, what would the practitioner go through this form with the client the way that we're about to do it, or would they just hand over the piece of paper and say, here, you go through and circle everything and then the client, the practitioner would then look through.

Leah:

I think you can do it either way, but I think most of the time, um, the submissive just has the sheet by themselves and, and, you know, feels into it and writes her answers and then goes, then the dom goes over it

Willow:

Okay.

Leah:

What I've noticed if I'm working with the same person for a while, like, Like, for instance, Om just glances at it because we've had these conversations and we've done so many of these sheets that we don't need to keep on talking about the same things over and over again. If he has a question by something that I put on there, then he'll ask. Otherwise we go into the scene, so. But in this case, we'll go over it more thoroughly. We may not get to all the categories either. We'll just see how much time we have left.

Willow:

Yeah. Perfect. Let's start.

Leah:

so for those of you who are listening, um, awesome, but you may want to watch the episode when you have a second because we are going to share the screen and hopefully it gets recorded. Um, so you can see the form and its questions, although it may not even be necessary. Uh, give me one second while I pull it up. You

Willow:

while she's filling that up, I'll describe my dom. So, I'm going to use somebody that I have been working with. And, um, so he is, uh, male gendered and tall and holds really strong masculine energy. Holds that container really well. Um, but also has the ability to drop into like the needy wretch, you know, that we, we identify, we often will think about as more of a feminine, um, archetype. And so I've been, though, this particular dom that I've been working with, um, You know, works a lot with these, um, art, different archetypes. And so it's fun to play with, uh, different parts of ourselves, different shadows of ourselves that we either just go right into, but go into unconsciously or, um, or we start to, you know, we, we try to get away, we try to be like, oh, that's not me. That's not, I don't ever do that. You know, and so then it still has a grip on you because we're, we're just resisting it. So, um, in some of the role play stuff that I've done with him, there has been lots of opportunity to kind of go back and forth, which is different than what OM teaches, you know, kind of go back and forth between sub dom roles, but mostly, um, feeling like the, the scene and the container is meant for me to explore whatever it is that I'm working out in my life.

Leah:

Beautiful. Okay, so the first question on the form is, My level of nudity preference for this scene is One option is fully clothed. Another option is in underwear. Another option is topless. And another option is nude. So, Submissive Willow, What is your nudity preference?

Willow:

I'll go with go topless.

Leah:

Okay, great. Um, touch I would like to receive from my dom. And, uh, this has levels of 0 to 5. Um, touch you would like to receive from your dom for the face willow.

Willow:

I'm giving it a zero. I'm not ready to be slapped in the face.

Leah:

Well, this isn't slapping, that comes later.

Willow:

Okay. Just

Leah:

is just would you like to receive

Willow:

Some touch

Leah:

Pleasure, desire level.

Willow:

Oh, okay. Well then touch on the face. I'd give it like a, a four.

Leah:

Okay. What about your hair?

Willow:

Hair's good. Give it a five.

Leah:

Okay, neck,

Willow:

Neck, a five.

Leah:

shoulders,

Willow:

Five.

Leah:

back,

Willow:

Five.

Leah:

breasts, chest, and nipples.

Willow:

All five.

Leah:

Uh, clitoris.

Willow:

Let's go three. A little

Leah:

this also says cock, but I'm just gonna, for her genitalia, and I'm just gonna mention the female parts, or maybe I should say vagina balls.

Willow:

Vagina balls. What are those? Like the Bartholin glands?

Leah:

no, balls if you were a man,

Willow:

Oh, oh, gotcha. Oh, that's funny. Um,

Leah:

let me go to, you said buttocks, five.

Willow:

yeah, that's five.

Leah:

Uh, clitoris or cock.

Willow:

Three.

Leah:

Um, vagina or balls.

Willow:

I'm going zero.

Leah:

Okay, um, but clitoris is okay, but vagina, yeah, vagina would be inside. Um, anus.

Willow:

Zero.

Leah:

Limbs and remaining parts.

Willow:

Uh, five.

Leah:

Okay. Rough handling I would like to receive.

Willow:

I do like rough handling, I have to say.

Leah:

Okay, so what number would you give the face?

Willow:

See, now there I'm gonna go like down to one.

Leah:

Okay. Um,

Willow:

I'm changing my mind. I'm going down to zero on the face.

Leah:

Okay, no rough handling for the face.

Willow:

hair, I would go four.

Leah:

Okay, rough handling for the neck.

Willow:

Four.

Leah:

Shoulders,

Willow:

Five.

Leah:

back,

Willow:

Five.

Leah:

breasts, chest, and nipples.

Willow:

Four.

Leah:

Buttocks,

Willow:

Five.

Leah:

clitoris, cock,

Willow:

Uh, two.

Leah:

vagina, balls. I'm going to assume zero since it says no touch above.

Willow:

Yeah, zero.

Leah:

Uh, did you say zero on the

Willow:

Anus, yeah.

Leah:

Um, limbs and remaining parts.

Willow:

Yeah, I would say four on those. Now I just want to point out to the audience, um, what I'm noticing as I'm answering is like, I really have an orientation to yin yang parts of the body as a Taoist practitioner. So the back side of the body is yang, so it's more of a protective side of the body. And I noticed that I was saying higher numbers for all back side parts of the body and lower bodies for the yin side, the more vulnerable side, the front side of the body. So I just thought that was interesting.

Leah:

Yeah, I love, I love that. Yeah, keep adding those things and, and like, what brings, what comes up for you with some of these items, because it's going to get more intense on these items as we go along. I know I've certainly have my reactions to these items every time I fell out of form, which is sort of interesting. Um, okay, impact play I would like to receive. So spanking,

Willow:

Yes. Oh, five.

Leah:

flogging, So, um, how would you just, and for those of you who don't know what a flogger is, how would you describe a flogger?

Willow:

Okay. So it's, it's a, it's a, a leather whip type of thing with lots of little leather, like pieces coming off of it and a handle and slogging actually feels so good. It can feel like a massage. Like if you like a good deep tissue massage, it is very likely that you would like to, you would enjoy the sensation of some of this stronger impact play. So,

Leah:

can be very relaxing. It has a thudding feeling. Um, it can be very massage like, and then you can wield it so it has some sting. Um, so when we take a look at flogging from a zero to a five, I would say that like five would be the most intense. It's going to give you some stinging. Um, but flogging doesn't typically leave a mark, though. It will flush the skin.

Willow:

Yeah, it brings, it brings a lot of blood flow to this, to the surface of the skin, which is actually really good for you. It's very healthy.

Leah:

So what would you, what did

Willow:

think I said a four.

Leah:

a four? Okay. And for me, just to give you guys a reference point, I would, I normally say it like a two. Cause I don't like stinging touch. Um, okay. Now caning. Do you know what caning is?

Willow:

Caning, I am not such a fan of, but let's explain it to the audience.

Leah:

so there's lots of different canes out there. There's like even a regular cane, there's bamboo canes, and then there's plastic canes that are like made of lucite that have a lot of flexibility. Um, and it is a very intense, A type of impact. I don't, I haven't experienced it yet mainly because I have an aversion towards pain, discomfort, and stinging sensation. It has a lot of sting to it. It can leave a mark, can leave some stripes. Some people are really into the marks that things like whips and canes and, uh, other tools and implements can leave, like ropes, um, can leave a design on the body. And that's one thing that people get really off on. So in this scene, Willow where are you at with caning?

Willow:

Zero.

Leah:

Zero. Okay. Then we have breast and chest slapping.

Willow:

I'm saying like a one on that.

Leah:

Okay. Um, face slapping. Here's where the face slapping comes in.

Willow:

Zero.

Leah:

I like a one or two.

Willow:

You do?

Leah:

I do. You know, something like when someone's like, give me your attention. don't want people actually do really like a strong slap, which really surprised me. These were some of the things that I was like, big gulp, like big kind of trigger for me when I was first learning all about this, because I couldn't understand things that looked like abuse. right, Um. And then what, what does it mean? Like, what does it mean about a woman who wants to be slapped on her face?

Willow:

mm hmm, mm

Leah:

Is she some sort of doormat? Does she have some like huge psychological problems? Like, I think for like the regular person who has an aversion to the idea of BDSM, like I did for so many years, this is like, Ooh, like, what is this? Is this healthy? You know, like these are the things that I think really confuse people. And, and this is where having a curious open mind and having a non judgmental mind is really important because you don't want to yuck somebody else's yum. And what's different from these sorts of things that you were going to start to see on the form now is, um, it's all about consent. It's all about where people want to explore their desire. And we're not here to judge other people's desire. We're here to make room for a really open, honest conversation so that people can explore who they really are and sometimes it's these different corners and you may not understand it, it may be a yuck for you, but it's so important that we don't judge other people's yums and I think this is actually one of the gifts that BDSM can walk us through is is dropping those judgments and getting really curious. And when you start to see scenes and other people exploring these corners of intensity, you can start to see the beauty in them. And when you see that they're healthy, normal people who are not in abusive relationships, you actually start to see that it isn't insane. So as judgments arise, see if you can just sort of catch that and, and, uh, find yourself being curious instead of judgmental. It doesn't mean that it'll ever be right for you.

Willow:

Yeah. And you know, that's the beauty of this consent form that we're going over right now is it really helps everyone be on the same page, including yourself. And you don't have to, like, even if you get into a scene and you had said like, Oh yeah, on the face slapping, I would be a four or five, but then you're there in the scene and you actually are changing your mind in the moment. You're not committed to this form. You get to change your mind in the moment and say something.

Leah:

The only thing you can't change your mind is to go, Oh, well, I, I said no caning, but I've changed my mind in the middle of the scene. I'd like to have a cane, please. That's really kind of frowned upon. You're allowed to, um, decrease your boundary or to go, or in order to increase your boundary, but not to decrease your boundary.

Willow:

That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And the reason that makes sense is because this kind of, um, you know, exploration with sexuality brings up a lot of endorphins, a lot of dopamine, a lot of different oxytocin. And these hormones that are running through your body in any sexual experience, but especially a heightened one like this. are drugs. So you're, you can think about it like you're in an altered state. You're, you're on your own internal drugs and, and endogenous drugs in your body. And so, you know, your, um, your per, your perception and your judgments could be skewed in that heightened state.

Leah:

Yes. Yeah, so true. You're really like on drugs, literally.

Willow:

are your own internal ones. It's amazing.

Leah:

Okay, so we, uh, face slapping. You said zero pussy cock slapping

Willow:

Um, one, one. Yeah, a little, a little, little, a little tap slap to the pussy... that sounds, yeah, that's a little, bring you to attention.

Leah:

Um, licking and biting I would like to receive in my scene

Willow:

Ok, so with this particular dom that I have in mind, I would give it a four, neck. for the neck. Yeah.

Leah:

What about for the shoulders?

Willow:

Shoulders, four,

Leah:

What about for the breast, chest and nipples.

Willow:

three,

Leah:

What about for the buttocks? Torso,

Willow:

four,

Leah:

limbs,

Willow:

four,

Leah:

mouth kissing.

Willow:

five.

Leah:

Okay, that's very intense. You don't mind a five bite? That might

Willow:

On the lips. Oh, well, now that you put it that way, maybe four. I was just thinking why I like kissing this

Leah:

Right, that's what I thought. But this is licking and biting I would like to receive.

Willow:

Oh, licking and biting on the mouth. Okay. Let's go three then. Cause uh, maybe even two, cause it's a sensitive spot.

Leah:

um, now this is esteem and identity play I would like to receive. So the, this is where we start to really get into the mind and fucking with it. A little mind fucking, if you will. Um, humiliation.

Willow:

Humiliation is one of those things that is, you just, it's so hard to go toward, but when you do, you start to see different parts of your ego. So what am I ranging here?

Leah:

So yeah, so there's also like a yes and no category on the left. So you can always just say no. Um, we've been using zero as no. Um, but maybe we should talk a little bit more about what humiliation play is.

Willow:

so. Yeah.

Leah:

So, um, humiliation play could be like one of my, I don't know why this appeals to me. I mean, maybe I do. You know, when I was a teenager, the idea of somebody calling me a slut was so horrifying. It was like, it felt like annihilation. Um, it was the one thing that I wanted to make sure never happened. So I really controlled my sexuality to avoid that outcome. Um, but now as someone who feels pretty whole and healed and, you know, And that doesn't, I don't really give a fuck what anyone has to say. If they call me a slut, I would just laugh, um, or agree. Uh, but I really, the idea of being called a dirty little slut in so, with sort of a sneer or even a laugh is like a huge turn on to me. And I, and I have to admit when I do play that out in a scene, I do giggle and have a great time with it. Um, I, so that could be considered humiliation. Someone calling you names. Um. Is it could be a form of humiliation. Another form of humiliation is like to be on all fours and someone putting their feet on you, like you're a table. That could be a form of humiliation. What comes up in your mind when you think about humiliation in a scene, Willow?

Willow:

Um, more, more of the psychological stuff is, is more what comes up for me. So around, you know, having something in that, that maybe that I have seen play out in my life over and over again. I think what I used was, um, You know, I am not, uh, dramatic enough or interesting enough, like the, this thing about being boring, you know, which as a child, I was like, I'm bored, you know, and my dad would always be like, well, only boring people are bored. So there was like this fear ingrained around being boring. And so, What I've seen in relationships is, um, you know, as soon as things get deep and go there, because I'm a pretty easygoing gal, uh, you know, the, the other, the partner will, will turn around and go towards something more dramatic, something more, um, you know, that has, I guess, maybe more dynamism. Dynamicism. Um, so that was one that I played with was the, the, you know, not being interesting enough.

Leah:

And then, and someone sort of verbally abusing you with that.

Willow:

Uh huh. And just like, he's just like, you are so boring. You are, like, you think you know all these interesting things. None of it's interesting. You know, do something fucking interesting right now, you know. You're so dull. Like, why am I even wasting my time with you? You know, so really that, that was edgy.

Leah:

Um, other things that kind of come to mind when it comes to humiliation play is, um, what's referred to as exclusion play, where you might have, it might be a three person scene, and you've got two people who are playing, but they're purposely excluding. The person being humiliated or another very common kink is cockholding where you have a man who wants to watch someone else, preferably with a bigger penis, fuck his partner and, um, and then have them like, you know, make fun of him while they're doing it. Um, I don't totally understand why this is so hot for some people, but it is. It sort of addresses, maybe their worst fear ever. And so they're bravely going towards it to, it's almost like exposure therapy.

Willow:

I think that's one of the things that's so powerful about it is you're outing these deep, dark parts of yourself that you would never want anyone to know about, and, um, it makes you more human, you know, it's humbling, it's, I mean, obviously, this, this practice is about finding humility, it's about finding humbleness, and, you know, there, there is a lot of room in life for Um, I think there is a room in life for strong egos to, to be had. It, it's really helpful. That at the end, there is also a lot of room in life to be humble and to be, um, not necessarily humiliated all the time, but just to be comfortable in that place or to find what it means to you in that place.

Leah:

Yeah, you know, I think, um, I think when you check this box on the form, this is something that your dom would have a much bigger conversation with you and be talking about what, what all of this means to you and where are the corners of this for you. It's not something that you would just check off and then, oh, it's just going to happen in the scene. It's something that really gets explored because humiliation plays, play is very personal and it's also very sensitive. And, um, And there's a lot of creativity at play. So lots of different range, lots of different plots and stories and explorations over many, many, many, many, many scenes. Um, so although it's kind of seems like a simple line, it's, it's not a simple category at all, which brings us to verbal degradation. So I sort of mentioned that with the dirty little slut comment. Now, what's interesting about verbal degradation is someone might be okay and want you to call them a dirty little slut, but if you were to call them a dirty little whore. That might be a no no. So like language really matters when it comes to sort of the verbal eager, either degradation or things like, Oh, you're such a good girl. Oh, you're, you're my good little boy. You know, like some people are going to be this. The language is very, really matters. And there's psycholinguistic language. We've had other episodes on the show talking about that. If you want to know more about language, we've got an episode called, uh, Dirty Talk, Pillow Talk. We recommend you listen to it. We'll put it in the show notes. So verbal degradation for you, my dear.

Willow:

I give it like a two or a three,

Leah:

And is there, um, I mean you mentioned it before, sort of in the humiliation play, but is there any other phrases that would be sort of hot for you?

Willow:

you know, I'm trying to think about that. I'm like, gosh, dirty little slut, dirty little whore. I don't feel a lot of charge around that either way. Um, I'm just trying to think about what would cause charge for me. I can't think of anything

Leah:

about like, you're such a cunt?

Willow:

Hmm. Yeah. I mean, maybe that, I guess it just depends on the moment. I don't know.

Leah:

Yeah, I mean some people are like, they want you to describe their genitals. You know, I imagine, like, you have such a small little cock or your pussy is this, that, and the other thing. I don't know. I was thinking about the question, I'm like, man, you really got to think some of this out, you know, it's not always top of mind.

Willow:

No, it's not.

Leah:

Okay, now this one's an interesting one. Identity

Willow:

Maybe bitch.

Leah:

Oh,

Willow:

bitch, actually. Okay. There you go.

Leah:

good

Willow:

That for some reason I had a thing about that as, as a, as a teenager.

Leah:

Um, one, I'm reading this book right now, and, uh, they were kind of having this angry hate sex, and she was like, I hate you, I hate you. And the I hate you kept on, like, the tone kept on changing into almost like she's saying I hate you, but it's sounding like I love you.

Willow:

Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Yeah.

Leah:

it's kind of fun. Okay, um, identity attack and deconstruction. This can be a very powerful and controversial one.

Willow:

Yeah, that, I'm, this is a, this is a tough one. Like, you gotta be in your reserves for this. Like, you gotta be well slept and well fed. Like, you don't wanna be PMSing and like, hadn't slept the night before for this one. Um, I would say if I was in good reserves, a two.

Leah:

Okay. Yeah. There's a, there's one that sort of reminds me of this one and that's race play where people really play with issues having to be around race. So like

Willow:

Mm hmm,

Leah:

you know, something like, um, Oh, you fucking privileged white girl, you know, you are a fucking da da da da da da da da, you know, and then you can imagine the racial slurs that are used in some of the race play. And there can be really interesting, tremendous healing, lots of emotions, lots of things to process in this space. Um, you have to really I think it requires some good resilience. It also requires a sense of personal responsibility for what you're asking for. And then I think it requires a lot of holding on the DOMS part in aftercare to help someone like process and integrate what it was like to be at that level of consciousness, encountering that level of fear, discomfort, also oftentimes epigenetic wounding. That comes from somewhat like by really using language to play out in a scene. Um, and what really surprises people is how hot that can get. Like why do we, why is there a place that we can sexualize that? Why is there, when it comes to identity, Can we go to like these places that we've maybe internalized self attack and that there's actually a place for Eros to exist there. Like talk about the difference between a yes element and a no element. There's a lot of sexual energy in no element. Things that we think, why would I ever want that? But for some reason, something has an alchemical boost there, and I don't have any deep answers, we can continue to have experts on who can help us with these answers, but, um, there's something there that can be eroticized, and I think, you know, I've said it before on this show, there's a lot of healing and fetishizing our worst fears. When we can go towards something that we're afraid of and, uh, be brave there and, and fear it. Face the fire in, in many respects, like being called a slur that has a lot of maybe potential wounding from our past or ancestral wounding. Somehow to sort of face that and then get an orgasm out of it really kind of fucks it over. You know, it kind of puts it on its head. I think there's some comedy there even if we don't hold onto it too tightly.

Willow:

Well, again, it's, we become less identified as it and with it, like that it is who we are, you know, it becomes more of like this, this part, this play, this archetype, this, you know, um, aspect of what we've been ingrained with culturally or, um, you know, in our society. So

Leah:

Yeah, oh, right. So, um, I guess I skipped that one where it said race play and then the second one was identity attack and deconstruction. Um, did you give a number for race play?

Willow:

No, I didn't. I would say, um, I would say four. I'm okay there. Yeah.

Leah:

you're open to playing with that. Great. Well, this is half the form and we're going to stop here. We'll, we'll do a part two to this and we'll, we'll keep going down the form. Things that you can, um, expect to, to hear about that we haven't gone over is. Sexual and erotic play, psychological play, sensation play, somatic edge play, sex and penetration that the sub wants to receive from their dom. Dom style and temperament you would like to receive. Archetypical expressions, the type of aftercare you want to explore. And then there's protocol and ethics. Ethics, um, safe wording throughout the scenes, the submissive, um, ethos, and then also the submissive psychological characteristics relevant to a DS scene. So we've got lots more to explore. So please come back and listen to part two of the episode.

Willow:

yeah, it's come back and listen to part two, and you know what, with all that we have left to go, there might even be a part three, so stay tuned because there's a lot to unravel here, and um, yeah, let us know what you think so far of this form. If you have any answers yourself that you'd be willing to share with us, we're curious always, and um, we, uh, love you so much.

Leah:

Love, love, love. We'll also give you this, um, we'll give you a link so you can download this, uh, form if you want to play with it at home. But play with it with a professional dom, maybe. Like, caution, look at it, but don't just start playing without having more education. And there's a place where you can get a lot of free education and that's by going to omrupani. com. He's got all sorts of education that's for free and lots of scenes you can watch. Love, love, love everyone! Have a beautiful morning and thanks Willow for playing this game.

Willow:

Yeah, so much fun.

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Dr. Willow Brown

Host
Head Shot

Leah Piper

Host